Addicted to Peanuts

We live in America, and if we have been living in America for fifty years or more and if our parents lived in America, you get the drift, our metabolism has become programmed to need certain kinds of foods. One of those foods is the peanut. Oh, the surprising nutrient of the peanut.

In recent times, some secret diabolic sect has begun a campaign to smear the old fashioned high protein value of the peanut. I, for one, refuse to give up my chocolate covered peanuts or my peanut butter blossoms(cookies).

Therefore, I would like to expound on my inner child cravings for the delectable nut that is,I think, all American. Here goes:

Sometimes the craving for something to gnaw on becomes intolerable. Must be a throwback to cavemen days, you know the need to exercise those teeth and not on food. Must have moved up a notch on the evolutionary scale to gnawing on emotionally satisfying food. In comes the M & M.

Actually it makes more sense to like peanuts covered in chocolate more because they are less fattening. Really, think about it. You can keep a chocolate covered peanut in your mouth for a lot longer than you can a plain one. The plain one just melts. Can the peanut melt? I'm asking you, can the peanut melt?

Obviously the peanut one can't melt, and we know that from experience of having eaten peanuts before. Since we know the peanut then we know that because of its properties it cannot melt. Therefore, we are assured that the peanut can be kept in our mouths providing that comforting reassurance of something to suck on as if we were babies again being nurtured by our mothers.

The peanut m&m is better because it provides us with double our pleasure in eating emotionally satisfying food. We present here the chocolate which first melts and gratifies out pleasure quotient, and we continue with the peanut which assures us that we still have something left from the pleasurable experience of the melting chocolate, the grunching of the peanut. Now, I am being faced with an intolerable position. I have run out of things to write about concerning the peanut chocolate. This is causing me to feel emotionally charged and I have to do something to stop the rush of adrenaline into my mind. I must go and find a bag of chocolate peanuts immediately or be faced with a conflux of useless adrenaline that is sure to mess up my system.

At this juncture, I magically find myself in Giant Eagle's grocery store looking at a huge display of peanuts. I circle the cache and find myself being threatened by another patroness with condescending looks of, you are not really going to buy a bag of peanuts, are you? No, I look back, and she turns to go up the aisle. What should I have done?