Addicted to Therapy: When the Cure Becomes the Disease

A quick disclaimer before I begin. Therapy can be a lifesaver. For those who suffered real, unbelievable trauma, sometimes it's the only way they can go on. A good therapist is the best way to learn how to make healthy emotional connections to people, and if you are open to learning how to do this, then therapy is perfect for you.

However, for some people, therapy can become as addictive as a drug. Self help and twelve-step groups can fill the same hole; it gives people a sense of meaning, but sometimes it can actually prevent them from making real progress. Again, I am not claiming that therapy, self help, and twelve step groups have not saved lives. But, like any good thing, sometimes they can be used to a bad end.

Therapy and support groups are meant to be both safe havens and challenging environments. Though you can vent any secret feeling you might have, you also need to be prepared to hear the truth about it. Unfortunately, because of the therapist, the people in the group, or the person engaging in therapy, sometimes this doesn't work out the way it should.

"Narcissist" is used as an insult, but it can be a symptom of a genuine mental disorder. There are people who, for one reason or another, have difficulty focusing on anyone other than themselves. For these people, having a person or people hanging on their every word just furthers the narcissistic pathology. If it is recognized by a therapist, it can point towards several different diagnoses:

Narcissistic personality - the least severe, this is simply a tendency towards self-centeredness that can likely be worked out through honest dialogue with a therapist. Those with these narcissistic tendencies can usually learn to suppress them and behave more healthily, with a focus on other people and their needs, leading to a happier life for both the person seeking therapy and the people around him/her.

Borderline personality disorder - A complicated and many-faceted mental illness, BPD has characteristics of narcissism woven into it. Like a classic narcissist, Borderlines are hyper-sensitive and not open to criticism, which makes the therapy process very difficult. Usually, their lives are so chaotic that at some point they seek therapy, whether for suicidal gestures/attempts or general chaos in relationships. Therapists who do not understand this disorder often find themselves manipulated by the Borderline, who will treat them like they treat everyone who is close to them - with suspicion, anger, and paranoia. However, in a combination of group and individual therapy, Borderlines can often begin to improve by building healthy relationships with others in a safe, challenging environment.

Narcissistic personality disorder - is "primarily characterized by extreme focus on oneself, and is a maladaptive, rigid, and persistent condition that may cause significant distress and functional impairment." It is thus recognized by the DSM-IV, the official database of psychological disorders. Generally, people do not seek treatment for this, because the disorder leads to a disdain of the process of therapy. It is very difficult to treat because of its nature.

Antisocial personality disorder - closely related to the common term "psychopath," APD contains such extreme narcissism that an individual does not believe themselves culpable to the same laws and cultural codes as others. The feelings of people other than him/herself don't make sense or matter in the world of someone who suffers from APD. It is considered nearly untreatable.

For people with tendencies towards any of these disorders, especially, therapy can sometimes be an excuse to avoid real life. Unfortunately, many mental health professionals dismiss the concerns of those who feel they may be "addicted" to therapy, pointing to cases of people who have taken decades to recover from various issues. The hope is that the therapist/patient relationship is healthy enough that the patient's pathology can be exercised within the relationship, without ruining it. However, for certain patients, this might not be the case.

For those engaging in self-help, it becomes a way to focus on themselves when it would be more healthy to focus on others. For these people, it might be more beneficial to enter professional therapy, with the caveat that you tend towards narcissism.

There is little professional writing on this topic. Mental health professionals are rightly afraid of discouraging people from therapy, which is helpful for the majority of patients. Some patients who need to be in therapy might believe themselves to no longer be benefiting from it and leave, when they should not.

If you feel yourself becoming stagnant in therapy, I would recommend discussing it with your therapist first. Sometimes a feeling of stagnation is normal. If you truly feel you are manipulating your therapist or group and making no progress, consider switching therapists, perhaps to one who specializes in something like Borderline Personality Disorder. The most important thing is not to change your mental health regimen without consulting your therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist first.