ADHD Housewife

First let me tell you about myself. I am 32 years old and last year I realized that my problems all these years were due in great part to ADHD. I got pregnant when I was 16 (impulsive) and had my daughter at 17. I married my husband when I was 17 (impulsive) and going into my senior year. I got pregnant again during my senior year and had my son a month after graduating from high school. I had another daughter 4 years later. I am still married to my husband, although it has been a very tough road.

Growing up I was not a great student, even getting an f- in freshman English. I like to read and I like to write. When it comes to all the punctuation I got bored. I am sure you will see in my writing I won't always put the comma or semicolon in the right places. The teachers just saw me as lazy and always gave my mom the famous line about how if I only tried harder I could do it. That was probably true; but with me the trying was the hardest part. The overwhelming feeling that I am never going to understand something makes me give up.

Just giving up has been a continued pattern in my adult life. When the going gets tough I give up (except my marriage, whole other story.) This is especially the case when I am having a disagreement with somebody. I just give up the argument because I just lose the will to care about anything this much. This has caused serious problems in my life because people just walk all over me. People know if they nag me enough I will give in just to get away from it all. Really all I have done is bottled all the battles up.

It is time to uncork the bottle and let it all out. Will it lead to divorce? Maybe. I have no idea who the hell I am. I used to fun and full of laughs. Early into my marriage I became very depressed (undiagnosed.) I thought everything was my fault. I thought my husband was a saint and I was this horrible person. I loved him and I wanted him to love me but I never felt he did. I think he is just the wrong person for me.

This change has been brought on by medication. It is changing my life. It is opening my eyes to all things. I feel smart for the first time in my life. I have let people define me. I have put to much concern into what people think of me. I would even just think people didn't like me and I wouldn't like them first. I would go as far as try and act like I was tough and I didn't put up with crap. I know this was just a defence mechanism. I would do this everywhere, even in grocery stores because I always think people are looking at me and judging. I now know this is another branch of ADHD, which is social anxiety.

If you see any of these traits in yourself do some research and see your doctor it will change your life.