Adjust Teenage Attitude

Parents have become intimidated by teenagers. Teachers are intimidated by teenagers. The fear factor is the attitude the teens display.

There have been incidents where the attitudes are followed by disturbing behavior. There is no dispute there. These incidents are not the norm. Unfortunately, the attitude issue is the norm in many arenas. I had two teenage daughters two years apart. I had to adjust my parenting approach as the teenage years descended upon our family. I did not have to adjust my expectations of respect and responsible behaviors. I had to set the pace of the adjustment as well as the perimeters. I chose to pick my battles before the title of this choice became a buzz phrase. I first pondered my struggles at that time in my own life. I gave thought to how I would have liked to have been treated. I then proceeded to choose the following priorities of behavior. I told the girls that I had three hard fast rules. There were to be no drugs or alcohol, nor sex. They would be expected to have grades. In turn I did not care if their boyfriends were telephoning them at midnight. This was before the world of cell phones and text messaging. I was fine with them inviting friends of either sex to spend time at our home anytime. I did not care if they had their love of the week sitting on the front porch until two in the morning. I cannot iterate the myriad of all that was approved. I did not care if they stayed up all night or even chose to play hooky sometimes. I did not care if they wanted to leave school early thus they always had a signed pre-written note by me to get them out of school. I sometimes surprise them and pick them up early from school to go shopping for them.

I had one famous saying for my oldest daughter. She was the one who would occasionally baulk me. This would be on the occasions when I was enforcing a decision in reference to a one-time incident. I would tell her that if she would just be patient with me and do what I asked then by the time she turned 18 years old, I promised I would have shaped up. She now shares with me that she didn't think I had much hope. She said she would grant me the benefit of the doubt and follow my request. To her surprise, when her eighteenth birthday came, I had shaped up as promised but she had the wisdom to recognize it was she that had changed not me. Her position in the high school she now works is the highest ranking counselor. This true story I have written, is her favorite one that she has been sharing with parents for eight years now. Attitude is a cry for needed change between the teenager and their authorities. Choose your battles carefully and make them few. Having used this formula, I believe the outcome will be successful. The need for boundaries on children of all ages has been greatly under minded. These boundaries are the foundation of feeling safe and secure. This is why attitude is a subtle cry to feel safe and secure thus able to grow up and meet the challenges the world gives out. Without the tools, the challenges will be met with fear and self-doubt rather than the spirit of adventure and success.