Adopt a Grandpa or Grandma from a Retirement Home

I was lucky in the grandparent department. For most of my childhood, my great grandfather, great grandmother, two grandmothers, and one grandfather all lived within walking distance of our home. We often had family picnics where most if not all of the grandparents would put in an appearance, at least for part of the day, and I thought all families were like this.

Only after I grew up did I realize that many of my friends had very little contact with their grandparents. And, even those who did often lived a long distance away from their grandparents and had to be satisfied with letters, phone calls, and once or twice a year visits with them.

To me, not having grandparents to teach me stuff was something I didn't even want to think about. Even my blind grandmother taught me things just by being around her and listening to her tell about the days when she was young. I also learned to have compassion for those with physical disabilities, from seeing the difficulties that she had to face every day.

My other grandmother and grandfather owned a small neighborhood grocery store and let me wait on customers occasionally, and that grandmother taught me to embroidery, and to make pillowcases, etc.

My great grandparents taught me that it wasn't too late to plant a peach tree at 70, no matter what the neighbors said about them probably never living to see the tree mature. (They outlived many of those neighbors, and were still picking peaches from the tree in their 90's.)

When my great grandfather died, I felt a great loss, but I still had my other grandparents and valued them even more since my great grandfather's death made me aware that people, even those we love, will not always be around.

Several years ago, I belonged to a writer's club. When one of the members was forced to move into a retirement home, she asked if we would be willing to meet there if she could get permission from the manager of the home.

Not having had much experience with retirement homes, I was amazed at the lonely people we encountered when we walked into that place each Tuesday for our meeting. The lobby was always full of elderly people, some in wheelchairs and others sitting in chairs that were scattered around the room.

Almost all of them would eagerly reach out to shake our hands and say hello. If we stopped for a minute or two to visit, it was difficult to break away because the guests there were so hungry for someone to talk to. If one particular resident had a visitor, others would gather around hoping to become a part of the conversation.

If your kids don't have grandparents nearby, check out a local retirement home and see if you can't "adopt" a set or two for them.

Start by talking privately with the administrator. Some retirement homes have rules against strangers coming in and trying to get acquainted with the residents. Explain that you are interested in meeting an older person who doesn't have a lot of company to be kind of surrogate grandparents for your children, and, hopefully, to give the older people some new things to look forward to each week in return.

If the administrator agrees and introduces you to some prospective "grandparents," proceed cautiously at first and keep the visits short.

Spend your first visit just getting acquainted. Maybe you can arrange to have coffee and cookies together. Give the older person a chance to talk as much as they want-this is one of the things people in assisted living facilities complain about the most-no one to talk to. What they mean is no one from the outside to talk to, so let him or her talk to their hearts content. Young children may get tired of this, but it is a good way for them to learn compassion for others, and also a good way to find out a lot of things they never knew before.

If things go well during that first get-acquainted visit, you will want to start doing more things together. Here are some suggestions, to get you started.

1. Board games are great generation levelers.

Some old timers can teach you and your children games you never heard of, or you may be able to share some of the more modern ones with them. Once your kids begin to think of their new acquaintances as "grandparents" they will want to bring all kinds of things to share whenever you visit.

2. Working jigsaw puzzles is also a fun activity.

Even if you aren't very good at the puzzles, you can still feel like you are a part of the group as you sit and sip a cup of coffee or tea, visit, and attempt to fit a piece of the puzzle in now and then.

3. Show up some afternoon with the material for a craft project.

If it is near a holiday, make holiday cards. Or try bringing a few flower pots and paints to decorate them. They can be left to dry until the next visit when you will show up with a bag of potting soil and some bulbs. Your new grandpa or grandma will soon have an indoor garden sprouting in their room.

4. Help the older people write letters to friends.

Bring some decorative stationery, envelopes, and stamps and ask them who they would like to send a letter to. Then, if they have trouble writing, let them dictate the letter to one of the older children or to you. Let them fold it themselves, and put the stamp on the envelope. If there is a mailbox at the retirement home, make a trip with them to mail it.

5. Teach them how to use a digital camera.

Digital cameras are really easy for an older person to learn to operate. Let them take pictures of you and the kids, and promise to bring copies on your next visit. Be sure you take some pictures of them, too, with members of your family gathered round. When you do come again, bring the photos and an inexpensive photo album so they can arrange the pictures of their new "family" in the album to show their friends after you have gone.

6. If your new "relative" is able, take frequent walks.

A short walk is a nice outing. It gives the older person a break from being indoors, and gives the whole family an opportunity to share new surroundings together. If you have a dog, and rules permit, you might bring it along.
Many residents of retirement homes sorely miss pets they had to give up when they moved to the home.

7. If you have a video camera, make a video tape.

Choose a well-known story that the family and the new grandparent is familiar with. Make it simple, like Cinderella, or The Little Red Hen, and act it out in front of the camera.

Watch the tape together, and then leave it with the older person so he or she can share it with others at the retirement home.

That should be enough to get you through the summer. I'm sure you will come up with plenty of other ideas by the time fall rolls around. Perhaps, if the relationship has worked out well, and if the retirement home rules permit, you can take your new grandparent on trips to the mall, out to dinner, to a family picnic, or even fishing depending on the circumstances.

Don't underestimate what an arrangement like this can do for you, your children, and a lonely person in a retirement home. Why not look into it today?