Adopting Internationally

Adopting internationally is a very admirable thing. Whether you're just thinking about it or thinking you're in too far to stop now, you realize that it's not something to be taken lightly. The hurdles are high and numerous.

We recently finished our adoption from Ukraine. It was the culmination of four years of our lives. There were many ups and downs, but now that we are on this side of the bridge, let me help you cross it.

The first thing I would suggest you have is resolve. My wife and I decided about 17 years ago that we would eventually adopt. It was something both of us felt very strongly about. It would be another 13 years before we would feel the call to actually go through with it, but we knew from the outset that it would be something we would do. You must be firmly decided that you want to go through with it. It is not for the faint-hearted. If you are not really sure you want to go through with it, turn back before it's too late.

Next is to contact a good agency. Your agency can make all the difference. They will be the ones directing your path and footsteps. They need to know what they are doing. There are many on the web or in the phonebook. Do research. I would make sure someone there has actually adopted themselves. They will be better situated to help you if they have gone through a similar situation. Plus, not all agencies have programs to all countries. If you have a country chosen, that will affect your choice. Again, do research.

From that point, they will direct your steps. You will need to get a homestudy, contact Immigration Services to fill out their paperwork, begin applying for grants and such, preparing your home and family, and looking for a support network for after you return with your child. The homestudy can vary, depending on the agency, but basically they will interview you and visit your home a few times. They want to make sure you are going to be suitable parents and that your home is suited for a child of the age you are looking to adopt.

Immigration Services will be the ones to approve your adoption. You need their approval to bring your child into the country. They will also require fingerprints and FBI background checks.

Also, international adoptions are very expensive. You will want to apply for grants. You can find them by doing a Google search. There are many there, so go find them and apply for many because you will only get a few.

Having a good support network when you return is also important. We actually needed ours while we were still in Ukraine. You need people to help out with things at home while you are gone and people to visit and keep you sane after you return. I would also suggest finding someone in advance who speaks the language your child will speak if they are not an infant. You will need someone to translate after you return.

You will also need to get complete physicals. Don't be surprised at what you will have to be checked for. Many countries will require you to have AIDS and VD tests. Be prepared to pay for these examinations, too, as many insurances don't pay for adoption physicals, and it's hard to have a VD test included in your annual physical.

All of this is just what you need to do before you leave the country to get your child. Now, I want to cover what to expect when traveling to a foreign country to pick up your child. It can be different for each country, and since I have only adopted from one country, I'll just try to give you some of the general things to consider.

Selecting A Child
Some countries will allow you to select a child and some will select for you based on a profile you select. Either way, you need to know just what you are looking for in a child. We all want to take the moral high ground and say, "I just want a child who's happy and needs my love." Well, they all need your love. That's the one thing you can know for sure. As for being happy, well, they live in an orphanage with no parents or family. Happy may not look like what you think it should.

If you know what want, age range, health status, gender, etc., you will be able to eliminate those children who will not be a good fit for your family. Remember, each country has literally thousands of orphans available for adoption, but not each one will fit well in your family. Also, you may have health insurance restrictions that might make some children a burden on family finances. Selecting an older child will be easier, as most people want babies.

One word on health, before I continue; no orphan is one hundred percent healthy. In most countries, completely healthy children are not eligible for international adoption. Make sure you are fully aware of the health problems of the child. Some have severe conditions which will require extensive care, while others have only minor conditions that can be treated with one trip to the family doctor.

One last thing to remember on selecting a child, not every orphan is available for adoption. Many are not available because of the status of the birth parents. In the orphanage of over 150 children our daughter came from, only about 5 were available for adoption. The U.S. government requires that both parent's rights be taken, either by court order, death, or voluntary surrender. If a child has an unknown parent whose rights have not been terminated, the child is unavailable. This will tear at your heart while you are in the orphanage.

Meeting The Child
Once a child has been selected, you will meet the child. Be prepared, though, you will not be able to communicate very well with the child. Hand gestures and an interpreter will go a long way, but not all the way. My wife and I learned some Russian before going, but still found those frustrating moments where we just could not communicate. Now, they were not major points and we moved beyond them. It still helps to remember this little point.

You will also want to bring some age appropriate toys for the child to play with as you begin to bond with them. While you might feel fine just sitting and trying to communicate, the child will get bored. It will not be irreversible, but might leave the child with a less than exciting memory.

The Wait
Here is where each country is different. Become familiar with the process and customs of your country. We thought we were prepared for what to expect in Ukraine, but each time we needed a new document or had to wait for a period it seemed very unexpected and frustrating. Also, make sure you are aware of all the fees ahead of time. Again, we ran into many "fees" we did not expect. I would suggest sitting down with your facilitator upon arrival and asking all the questions you can think of asking. Take a list of questions with you so you don't forget any.

Some of this period may be without the child in your custody. Actually, in our case, we spent far more time without the child than with. Fortunately we were able to visit the child during our wait. It really helped us bond with the child. You will want to bond with them as much as possible before you get home. Once you are home, you will find that life gets right back to being busy and time will get away from you.

Immigration
Immigration Services have really streamlined the process for bringing your child back to the States. You will file for an IR-3 immigrant visa for the child. With this new visa, once the child is admitted to the United States, they become a citizen. The interview process for this visa is relatively tame compared to the rest to the process.

You will proceed with the child to immigration at your first port of entry to the US, answer a few more questions, and they will review the packet provided by the US Embassy in your country of adoption. This can take as much as two hours, so make sure you have enough layover time if you have to connect. For example, we flew from Frankfurt to Washington, D.C. before flying to our final destination. We had two hours in D.C., so we had plenty of time for immigration.

Readoption
Some states require that you readopt the child in a county court in your state of residence. Make sure you check with the county clerk in your area or know the laws before you leave for your adoption. This may be something you need to plan for financially. You may need a lawyer to draw up papers, and that can run $1000 or more. Even if you aren't required to do this, it may be to your advantage. Some day your child will need copies of their birth certificate. That may be near impossible to get, so readoption will provide a certificate of foreign birth from your state that will take it's place.

I realize that this is not an exhaustive list of what to expect, but I hope that is can shed some light and make your process a little smoother. You will find international adoption very rewarding. For us, it helps us to know that our daughter doesn't have to be one more statistic. For example, in Eastern Europe, orphans who "graduate" out of an orphanage are 70% likely to get involved in prostitution, drugs and alcohol abuse, and gangs. Our love will protect her from this. You can do the same.