Adoption is Just Paper, it is the Heart that Seals the Deal

You know, when looking back at the adoption of my two sons, it now seems like our adoption party was more of a family reunion than the marking of an event that should be life altering. Some may question why I would feel this way when that day should stand out foremost in my mind, yet it doesn't. The reason being is this; I have felt like my sons were mine all along. That by some horrible mistake in the universe, my sons were put into someone else's care from the get go rather then with me. So, it isn't the adoption of my sons, or the adoption party dates that stand out in my mind, it is that afternoon when my sons, frail and lifeless, were brought to me from the hospital that I recall. That very day when I laid my eyes on them, although scared that I would wake up and they would have been taken again, but by God this time, I knew this was the day, the day I would never forget, the day that changed my life. Yes, that life-altering day of September 3^rd, 2002 is the day I found my boys.

I asked my sons, what the adoption meant to them. My eldest responded, "I got someone to care about me and love me." My youngest response was several things in regards to what adoption meant to him. He said, "When you get adopted you have to protect the adoption papers like they are gold." I chuckled and asked "why" and he said "Cuz if you don't they can rip and then I will be sad because they won't be good anymore. They are just too special mom." He went on to tell me in his oh so philosophical way "Adoption is special mom, not everyone gets to do it, only special people and people the judge likes. Don't you know anything?" I laughed and told him he was right and that it was obvious that the judge really liked him because he was just so smart! He went on to tell me that he wasn't done talking yet and relayed that "the most important job of any mom, adoptive or not, is to protect their kid from kidnappers." This saddened me to think that it wasn't that long ago that this was a reality of both my young boys' lives, where they could not even play in their own backyard without looking over their shoulder all the time.

I fostered my sons for the first few years before the biological parent's rights were completely terminated. Although visits had stopped close to a year prior, the boys still had a hard time sleeping thinking that the next day they may have to go on a "visit." Since the adoption, this is not an issue, as well as many other things that my sons had to endure and overcome. My oldest had a severe eating disorder to where 90% of his nutritional intake came from pedia sure. We are please to report that he no longer needs pedia sure to maintain, and although he is still small for his age, he takes 100% of his intake through solid foods now.

My youngest still has a problem getting close to people and it takes him a long time to feel comfortable with anyone. We are still working on that but at least he isn't hiding now when company comes over that he has not seen a lot. For the first time last summer, he went and stayed at his niece's house in Chicago for a few days. It took time to prepare him for it but before it would have taken him a couple years of seeing someone practically every day before he would even go visit at someone's home without me. He had seen Candace, his niece, a total of maybe 6 to 8 times a year prior to this visit. However, before with him, one of my dear friends Karen he would see on a regular basis (a few times a week) and it still took close to two years before he would spend the night there. Trail basis always ended up with a phone call with him wanting to come home at bedtime. Now he will tell me he was afraid he wouldn't get to come back home to me. He says he knows better now, that was when he was little and didn't know any better. Mind you, he is seven now.

We still work through the social delays and learning disabilities daily and other various issues, but all and all, it is all good and I am just glad I have my boys' home with me, where they have always belonged.