Adoption - a Special Gift

November is the month when we celebrate the gift of love through adoption. As an adoptive mother, I cannot begin to express the joy I have found through my beautiful son, Christopher, adopted in 1992. I was 40 when his adoption became final.

Some potential adoptive parents fear that finding a child is impossible for them due to lack of funds, available children, or because of their age. Subsequently, they are concerned that they will never experience the happiness of parenting a child. But you can find love through adoption, and through Special Needs Adoption, you can find a deep and satisfying parent/child relationship with the added knowledge that you are helping a child who is desperately waiting for a home, is in great need of an advocate...is urgently waiting....for love.

I remember the first time I was told that my son was considered "special needs." "Really?" I queried. I was confused. Why was he considered so? Yes, he was born with cleft lip and palate, and there was a concern about hearing loss, but to me his "specialness," was in the sweet way he clung to me when I picked him up, the curl of his bright hair, his incredibly large, luminous eyes. I have to admit, that it took a little while for me to realize what I was being told.

To this day, I consider my child to be exceptional. Loving and cheerful, he has not given me a day of trouble. Yet, I was told that he was special needs.

Special Needs: what does it mean in relation to adoption? A child is considered special needs if: they are an older child, usually over five-years-of age; a part of a sibling group where the local Children's Services is trying to keep brothers and sisters together; a minority or of mixed race; physically challenged, or received no prenatal care, such as my son; children considered to be at risk, like those born to drug-addicted mothers or who have been abused or neglected; mentally or emotionally disabled because of inherited conditions or resulting from abuse. Special Needs. - shouldn't that translate to Special Love?

On the practical side, Special Needs could mean Special Expenses. In the case of special needs adoption, when conducted through your county Children's Services, many times there are no fees. Therapies and medical expenses are often covered, and help is frequently offered for schooling such as tutoring.

I asked a couple of adoptive parents of special needs children this question: "Do you consider your child a 'special needs' child?"

Joanne Green of Stockton, California said: "Adoption Special Needs and Educational Special Needs are often very different things, and the prospective adoptive parent needs to understand this. My boys were born with adoptive special needs. Jacob was premature and had a cleft lip and palate. Joey had other cosmetic anomalies, a cleft, and failure to thrive. Both boys needed what amounted to "minor adjustments." As adult men, they are healthy, handsome, intelligent, and their future is rosy and bright. Counted all together, a few weeks of my life were devoted to those adjustments, and in return, I've known a lifetime of joy. Special needs -- maybe. Special kids -- absolutely!" http://groups.yahoo.com/group/cleft_talk/

Kat Braden, Toledo, Ohio wrote: "I was adopted. My birth father died in a car accident when I was only 8 months old and my birth mother died when I was two from Multiple Sclerosis. I was a special needs child; I was born with cataracts on both eyes and am legally blind. My mom always treated me like one of the kids, never special needs. I attended regular schools, nothing special or anything. This was very difficult for me however but I did graduate from high school and went on to college.

I have had six children, all born with the same vision impairment, so yes, they were all special needs children but I never considered them or treated them as special needs." http://katbraden.com/shawn/

Special Needs. A way to open up your life, your home, your soul to a child who needs a family. An opportunity to finally form that family you forgot about on your way up the corporate ladder. Or maybe just a chance to at last fill that empty space in your heart, which has been waiting for someone special.