Adoption Stories: A Contributor's Personal Experience with Placing a Child for Adoption

When a woman becomes pregnant, she has one of three choices; keep the child, have an abortion or give the baby up for adoption. In the latter two situations, the decision can be difficult at best. Nevertheless, placing a child for adoption is always a life changing event and the decision is almost always dependent on what is going on in a woman's life.

My decision to give up not one child, but four, to adoption came at great heartache and under two completely different situations, but it was the right decision for me and the best option for my children at the time. My story take place in two parts; a son placed for adoption 13 years ago and three daughters placed for adoption as a last resort choice to save their lives in 2007.

My Son's Adoption

When I was growing up, I was one of those children who never did what they were told. I was a typical "bad kid," I never listened to my parents and always did whatever I wanted-including the typical teenaged drugging and drinking. When I was 17, just a few months before graduation, I became pregnant, dropped out of high-school, and married my now ex-husband. My daughter was born in January of 1996 and I thought we were happy. However, we started having many marital problems and quickly separated, but by the end of 1996, we got back together; I quickly became pregnant again. The relationship grew progressively worse; between the physical abuse and constant cheating, I knew things could not continue.

With my son due just a few months away in October, I decided to seek help and faced the choice of keeping him while putting him into an abusive situation, or give him up for adoption so he could have a chance at life. I chose adoption and my now ex never forgave me. More importantly; I never forgave myself and progressively spiraled into more drinking and drugs. We split for good shortly thereafter and the courts granted him custody of our daughter because of my habits.

My son was placed just a day after he was born. I had met the family that was adopting him and they assured me that they would tell him who I am. I also registered with the Adoption Registry in Florida, the state the adoption took place and in which I lived at the time, hoping that one day he might come to find me.

My Daughters' Adoptions

The emotional effects of the adoption, the divorce and court order denying me custody of our daughter slowly drove me to my breaking point and I got progressively worse. Partying on a consistent basis, my judgment was not what it should have been and I continued to get in and out of abusive relationships. It wasn't until 2007 that I started to get a grip on reality and come to terms with my life and what I had done.

Nevertheless, by then, I became pregnant three more times and gave birth to three daughters, one in October 1999, one in October 2002 and the youngest in April 2004. My drug habits were so bad by the time I was pregnant with my youngest that the Pennsylvania Department of Children and Youth Services stepped in placed my two daughters in foster care. From June 2003 until February 2004, my girls lived in foster care, but were still allowed to visit me. They were placed with me again a month before my youngest was born because I was able to clean up and get off drugs again.

When my youngest was born two months later in April, everything was fine. Then, I turned back to drugs and I offer up no excuses as to why. Needless to say, all three girls were placed in foster care again, but this time the situation was different. In Pennsylvania, where I now live, there is a federal rule that says if your children are placed for more than 18 months of their lives in foster care, the state petitions to have those children adopted out and the parents' rights taken away permanently.

When the state notified me that it intended to do this, I was living in a rehabilitation facility. Unfortunately, I still had four of the six months left to complete the program, so I was in no position to fight the state and was offered two options; either willingly give them up for adoption, or fight the state in a long and drawn out court battle which could have ultimately ended in major psychological damage to my girls and me losing the for good anyway. Because I still had so much time left in rehab and I did not want to put them through any more heartache than was necessary, I decided to place them for adoption in July of 2007.

The process itself was pretty easy, except that I felt like I was making the wrong decision. However, my girls had been through enough and I felt that placing them would be the better option given the alternative; watching their mother continue to descend down a road of personal mistakes and hopelessness. I signed papers stating that I agreed to the adoption and that I would not have to appear in court. Otherwise, I had one last visit with my girls before the adoption was final, which happened in August of 2008. Luckily, they were not split up; all three went to a nice family and I was assured that they would be made aware of my progress from time to time.

The Ultimate irony

The ironic thing of the last adoption is that that was the last time I ever touched drugs or alcohol again. I think that maybe if I had held out a bit longer and fought the state that I might have my girls today. However, while I regret my mistakes of the past, I do not regret my decision to place any of my children for adoption. I still hold the belief that I made the best decision given the circumstances we were all in and I know that they will be well cared for. I miss them dearly, and I hope that someday I may see them again.

Sources:
Personal Adoption Experiences
Foster Care Program, Department of Youth and Children Services, PA
My Adoption Registry Updated Information
Eagleville Hospital Treatment Programs