Adult Caregivers: Caring for Yourself

Sara is a 45-year old female with a husband and two adult sons. She has been married since age 20 and recently watched her youngest leave for college. Her world, both personal and professional, has shown great progression throughout her life. Sara thrives on inviting new and challenging experiences into her schedule. Yet, her most recent transition was not in line with her expectations. Sara has enjoyed taking care of others since she was a child. It started with her pet hamster through the times she spent the summers with her grandparents. Recently, Sara and her husband moved her mother, Barbara, in with them. Reportedly, Barbara's primary care physician feels she needs to be in a safe environment where caregiving supports are available. Sara had difficulty pondering the thought of placing her mother in a nursing home. After several weeks of struggling with decision-making, she felt the only option was to welcome her mother into a loving and trustworthy environment - her home.

Although Sara initially felt comfortable with her decision, she is now experiencing levels of stress that are affecting her marital relationship and work performance. She has found herself being so irritable towards her husband that he now goes to "hang out with the guys" more often. At work, she has found herself on the verge of tears and retreating to the bathroom to collect her thoughts. When her sons return home to visit, she feels overwhelmed by doing their laundry and preparing bigger meals. She fears leaving her mother home alone due to her level of inability to care for herself. While she has taken time to express her feelings of overwhelm and uncertainty to her girlfriends, she feels they are only able to provide cliché encouragement as they have never experienced her circumstances.

Sara is the picture of several adult caregivers today. Responding to the needs of an elderly or disabled family member can be emotionally challenging in light of other daily responsibilities. While caring for a loved one, it is important to care for oneself. The following are three areas of consideration for those fulfilling the caregiver role.

1. First, do not place unreasonable expectations on yourself. Living according to "shoulds" can cause undue stress (i.e. "I should be able to do this by myself" or "I should be able to balance my job, marriage, and caregiving responsibilities"). It is important to be aware of your limits as overwhelm can contribute to mental, physical, and medical difficulties. This can decrease your ability to benefit yourself and others.

2. Second, be sure to ask for and accept help. The willingness to accept help allows you a period of rejuvenation. This is certainly not a sign of helplessness or failure but reflects a person who is aware of her own health-related needs. Keep in mind that others may not notice when you are feeling overwhelmed, therefore it is very important to communicate your thoughts.

3. Third, find a way to express your feelings. It is important to discuss your experiences with someone who has your best interest at hand. Use methods such as journaling to recognize your feelings and the manner in which you express them. In addition, create an outlet such as a physical activity or participation in a caregivers support group.

Overall, as you transition into this period of life that includes caring for someone you love, be sure to take notice of your personal needs so you can be beneficial both to yourself and others.