Adventures on Two Feet: The Enchantingly Confused Stilettos

These shoes are obviously very conflicted about their personal identity, flashing peep-toes, lace-ups, stiletto heels, and saddle shoe motifs. In fact, with all of these seemingly arbitrary details, they're the ultimate hybrid---why, they're Kiss band stompers, racy Oxfords, and Gothic Lolita shoes all in one. What pleasers! They're so schizophrenic that I can't help but love them. Maybe I just suffer from Florence Nightingale syndrome. Oh, well, I guess that explains some of the bizarre and ugly clothes in my closet. I'm prone to taking pity on less fortunate "creatures."

Such was the case with these outrageously screwed-up Fioni heels. As soon as I spied the funky Frankenstein's at Payless in Ballston Common Mall back in June, I put them on and modeled them for my sister Helen, who agreed that they were "cute." But, lo and behold, they cost $25.99, far more than I'd shell out for any pair of shoes (more on my "$10 max. per item spending limit" another time). So I did what any smart and resourceful young lady would do: had my boyfriend buy them for me on our next day. A smile here, an eyelash flutter there, and voila!

P.S. Yes, I did indeed prance into mass today with the red reptile heels, as promised. My boyfriend took a few photographs of me in Monroe Park, across the street from the cathedral. I'm in my mother's white lace jacket, embroidered blue jeans, and the aforementioned shoes, which sadly aren't visible here: