Advice for Caregivers

I was my mother's caregiver for nearly four years before she died. She had been diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, a cancer affecting the bone marrow, in addition to kidney failure. It was very difficult and heart wrenching to watch her go from being a strong and healthy person, to being so frail and helpless.

Caregiving is one of the most difficult jobs one can have, whether the person you care for is a family member or not. It is easy to allow the emotional weight of caregiving to get you down. It is never easy to observe another human being suffer, lose their ability to function normally, or approach death.

During the time that I was my mother's caregiver, I learned some things that I believe are invaluable. These things will help bring relief to you as a caregiver as well as the one you are caring for.

Bring a Loving Spirit

Before you begin your day caring for the individual, do something that will help you to feel inner peace and calm. This could be meditation, prayer, writing in a journal, quietly listening to the birds sing, or anything else that works for you.

We are all affected by other's attitudes and states of mind. When someone is ill, they are especially vulnerable to this negative energy and such energy does not promote a relaxing or healing atmosphere for the individual. Beginning your day with inner peace will give you strength and help you to be more available and loving.

Be Gentle, Patient, and Encouraging

It is so important that you are gentle and patient with the person you are caring for. Often these individuals are in a lot of pain and are afraid. Being too rough or forceful with them can be detrimental to their healing or sense of safety and comfort.

Regardless of whether the person is recovering or spending their last moments here with us, we need to do our best to help them feel safe and at ease. An individual that is recovering needs lots of praise and encouragement as they make even the minutest improvements. Even the person who isn't in recovery benefits from words of encouragement.

It's Ok to Grieve

There is a lot of grief and sadness involved in being a caregiver. Please do not shut these feelings up inside. It is Ok to feel sad, hurt or angry, and it is alright to cry. If you do not allow yourself to grieve, the emotions will pile up and affect your daily life and your ability to care for the individual and yourself.

Find a way to get these feelings out. You can talk to a friend, write your feelings down, or punch and throw some pillows. In some cases speaking to a counselor or therapist may be wise. Whatever you do, just don't bottle the feelings up.

Take Care of Yourself

Don't become so wrapped up in being a caregiver that you forget to care for yourself. You are very important and should not be set aside. Make time for yourself no matter how little it may be. Reward yourself for all of your hard work. You can do something nice for yourself, or buy yourself something nice without having to spend a fortune. Just do something. You are a human being just like everyone else; you deserve to be treated well.

A recommendation

Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor wrote a book titled, "My Stroke of Insight; A Brain Scientists Personal Journey." This book speaks of her recovery from a massive stroke that inhibited her ability to speak, move, understand language, and even recall who she was. She describes the experience and also tells about the important role that her mother and others played as her caregivers in helping her to recover. She speaks about forty things that she needed most for a successful recovery that I believe all caregivers should know about.

This book is absolutely wonderful for caregivers or anyone that knows someone who has suffered from a stroke or another illness or disability. I encourage you to check it out.

Following this advice will help make your emotional burden as a caregiver a little lighter, and will bring some relief into the life of the person you are caring for.