Advice for Coping Healthily with a Breakup

We come together. And we come apart. This is the course of things. And life does go on, and there will be other people. And we tend to know and accept this when it comes to the relationships of others. But when it comes to our own relationships coming to an end, coming apart often leaves us coming to pieces, and our rational understanding and acceptance becomes utterly lost amidst the emotional turmoil. So what do we do then? One does what you have likely found yourself doing, seek out the advice of someone that can tell you all the things you probably already know, but are currently in too emotional a state of mind to properly realize.

To begin with, you will likely need time to break down before you can start building yourself back up, and you should allow yourself that time to just cry, feel hurt, get upset, let your emotions take you wherever they have to. But after you've taken awhile to let the emotions flow freely, it's important not to wallow, not to let your life come grinding to a halt. The world isn't going to stop turning on your account, and you have things to do, places to be, a life to live. And even if in the shadow of losing a treasured relationship, the other things you care about don't seem to matter right now, they will again with time. And you don't want to lose the other things you love in your life because you're stuck dwelling on something that's already gone. And even if the possibility exists or you think the possibility exists to get back together, that one or both of you just need time apart to figure things out, focusing your thoughts on getting him or her back is likely the last way to aid in that happening. If you were broken up with, the other party obviously wants some space, and you need to provide that space or risk pushing him or her further away. And as hard as it may be, you need that space too in order to cope with the implications of the breakup. You need to be keeping yourself active and not dwelling. Staying engaged in the activities you care about and enjoy will keep your focus off the hurt, and help you see the good things still a part of your world, making it easier for you to deal with the reality that, for now at least, he or she is gone, and to move on with your life.

It is likely that even as you keep yourself occupied, you're going to be feeling emotionally on edge, and it's vital that you keep your stress levels under control, as unmanaged stress can be intensely damaging to your mind and body. That powerful physiological reaction, the moodiness, agitation, even leading to the well known "fight or flight" response, the rushing adrenaline, the pounding heart, the shakiness, your body preparing for a maxed out physical response, to what is here a conflict that can't be solved through physical action, it should be obvious how exhausting and harmful prolonged stress can be. Using some of the breathing and mediation techniques you can find detailed out all over the internet, listening to calming music, or taking a step out of your normal environment and into nature, all are good ways to deal with stress. But my number one suggestion for dealing with overwhelming stress is to respond the way your body wants to, to exercise it out. A rigorous workout will make use of all that adrenaline, provide an outlet to pump your frustrations into, give you a sense of fulfillment, exhaust your body to help you better relax, and release endorphins that will provide a lasting good mood. As long as you make sure not to turn it into an obsessive activity or overexert yourself, exercise is always a good way to deal with your stress.

The most important thing that you know but need to remind yourself is that having someone break up with you does not mean that you're not a good or worthwhile person. Things happen and people drift apart or need to separate for endless reasons, and sitting around blaming yourself, or your ex for that matter, for your relationship coming to an end, will not help you in the healing process. Maybe there are mistakes that were made that you should examine before entering your next relationship, but you likely need some distance from the breakup before you can think those through in a reasoned manner without beating yourself up. Even without your "better half", you're still a whole and complete person, no less of one than before your breakup. And as long as you remember that, how ever much it may hurt right now, you will survive your breakup, life will go on, and you will meet other people.

Sources:

Chris Bynum, How to have a Healthy Breakup, NOLA

Surviving a Break up, Romance for Everyone

Elizabeth Scott, Exercise and Stress Relief: Using Exercise as a Stress Management Tool, About.com