Advice from a Hyperemesis Gravidarum Sufferer

When I was pregnant, I suffered from severe hyperemesis gravidarum. Hyperemesis gravidarum is when you suffer from severe and debilitating nausea and vomiting while pregnant. This is not morning sickness. This is not like the flu. This is like food poisoning that continues day after day, week after week and month after miserable month. Hyperemesis gravidarum during your pregnancy brings you to a who new level of misery.

I suffered from hyperemesis gravidarum during my first pregnancy. I had 2 hospital visits for dehydration and was introduced to this wonderful drug called Zofran which enabled me to function. What hyperemesis gravidarum meant for me during my second pregnancy was losing 30 pounds in a month and a half. It meant 5 hospital visits due to severe dehydration. It meant having a continuous IV and home health care visits every 3 days. It meant having to stick a needle in my thighs every 3 days to move the continuous port of Zofran medication because my skin would swell up around the injection site. It meant trying to sip anything to have something to throw up so I wouldn't vomit blood. It meant not being able to care for my 3 year old because I could barely make it out of bed without passing out. It meant losing a job that I really liked that paid very well. It meant not being able to have a successful pregnancy and having to live with the pain and guilt that my body just couldn't handle it.

During that time and since I have heard some mostly well meaning but misguided advice and comments. I have decided to compile a list of the worst offenders in the hopes that people will just stop saying them. Call this a public service piece if you will.

"Have you tried crackers (ginger ale, sprite etc.)?" My doctors have gone to many years of medical school. Do you think they skipped the day when they covered that in school? The insurance company is paying thousands of dollars on very expensive medication that isn't quite working. Trust me, if insurance companies thought there was a slight possibility that crackers were the answer they wouldn't pay all the money for expensive drugs like Zofran. Crackers are not the answer, crackers will not work. If crackers were the answer, I would have named my child Saltines. So please, please don't cracker me!

"Being sick is a good thing. It just means your baby is healthy." Really? I can't even think about swallowing a vitamin and haven't had anything to eat and drink in days and my hair is falling out. How is this healthy for my baby? Tell me again how it is a good thing, but wait until I peel myself off the bathroom floor first.

"God only gives you what you can handle." or "God has a plan." So did he misjudge how much the mothers who have died from hyperemesis gravidarum could handle? What sort of plan involves giving you the greatest gift you can get, nearly killing you during the pregnancy and then taking it away? This may have been someone's plan but I don't think it was God's.

"At least you lost it before it was a born and you had a chance to bond with it." Or "at least it wasn't a real baby yet." The minute that second line appeared on the test, I loved this baby. I loved it before it was conceived or we wouldn't have made the choice to have another one. The joy I felt when I found out I was pregnant was real, as was the love. The feeling of my heart breaking was very real when my baby was gone. I don't know how much more real you can get.

"You can always try again." True I could try again, of course with every pregnancy it tends to get worse so the next one would probably kill me. Call me a coward but I just can't bring myself to take that step.

So please if someone you know is suffering from hyperemesis gravidarum during her pregnancy, think about what you are saying before you say it. Don't even mention food as this can be enough to start another race for the bathroom. Try to understand that hyperemesis gravidarum is a disease, it is not a ploy for a pregnant woman to get attention or sympathy. Offer support and if you can't find the words to tell her how you feel simply say "I'm sorry you feel this way." But most importantly, whatever you do, don't cracker them!