Advice for Michael Vick

The line has collapsed, rabid middle-aged men, with violent intentions in their eyes, come barreling through...Michael Vick instinctively ducks, rolls, and slips away to safety. The 27-year-old could find himself returning to the free life at 33-middle-aged when considering the life expectancy for most professional football players (55-65 years)-if he receives the maximum penalty of 6-fun-filled-years in federal prison. But the maximum is only for sick freaks like Charlie Manson or that kid who powerbombed his friend to death in Florida. Big name entertainers such as Vick might get no more than 3-years, but like Kobe, MJ, and OJ, Vick should slip out with a few financial bruises along with a scarred reputation.

Scars to a dog-fighting fan are what a powerful arm, quick feet, and pure speed are to an NFL scout. To the professional eye they point to a wise bet or in the case of pro-football, a solid investment. Arthur Blank (Atlanta Falcons owner) has been determined to turn the Vick investment into one of great benefit-or profit. But Blank may have to give up on his dream of Vick taking the Falcons to the Super Bowl; at least for now. It is easy to understand why Blank wanted Vick to succeed. For one, he signed a lot of heavy checks written out to Vick, but for anyone who has seen Arthur Blank, it is clear that he wants a championship team full of hooligans and hatchet men. Blank looks like a two-bit mobster, who runs buses up and down New Jersey, sweeping up seniors for a trip to Atlantic City, only to lose their social security money at a mafia run casino. Then again, looks can be deceiving, and while it looks like Michael Vick will be going to jail he could very well get nothing more than a slap on the wrist.

A wise approach for Vick can be found in the following bit of nonsense. When he is brought into court to defend himself, Vick should simply state that he used the dogs to train and was unaware of the illegal dog fights.

"Your honor, occasionally I would visit the property in order to be chased by the dogs," Vick should say, "the dogs allowed me to get better as a professional athlete, and I was entirely unaware of the other activities that were taking place at the house."

The courtroom would be caught off guard by the statement, and if Vick chose to have the case decided by jury, some of the lesser brained jurors (or ones with secret gambling habits) would buy the story quicker than tech fiends bought the iPhone. The "I used the dogs to train" excuse, would fail horribly, but the haboob of expert and amateur opinions regarding the case would be the beginning of a tale sure to inspire books and movies alike. Being the egomaniac that Michael Vick is, jail time will only do good. It would allow him to train nonstop in the top-of-the-line prison gym all the while gaining street cred for a bid in the joint. Maybe get into a few fights, stomp a few heads, or even organize a prison football league. Hell, I don't know about you, but I've been dying for a sequel to the Longest Yard: "The Longest Yard 2: the Michael Vick Story"

After serving his sentence, Vick would return, in great shape and with a fresh mindset. He would go on Larry King and other primetime talk shows, sticking to his original story, all the while expressing how prison changed him in a profound way.

"So Michael, what was your experience in prison like?" asks Larry King.

"You know Larry, at first, I was upset about the whole thing, but I knew I had to make the best of the situation. I worked out everyday and did a lot of reading."

"What book did you read the most?"

Vick pauses to think, "I read a lot, but I'd have to say the Bible helped me persevere. You know, prison is rough. I thought I wouldn't have to worry about much because I was a pro-athlete, but I had to earn my respect like anyone else."

Larry's eyes light up, "And how did you earn your respect?"

Looking down at the desk and then back towards Larry, Vick replies, "I had to fight, Larry. I fought a lot, but in the end people just left me alone. It's like hazing, you know? But I'm glad I'm out. I had left unfinished business when I went in, and now I can do what I was born to do."

"What is that Mike?"

"Win a Superbowl."

Blank would re-sign Vick without a moment's hesitation and football fans would be witness to a new and better Mike Vick. A prison hardened man, who got in touch with his spiritual side, determined to make things right. His once scarred reputation will be erased as both criminals and religious folk will embrace Michael Vick as a true American hero. As stated earlier, Vick will get a book deal as well as a movie inspired by his story, to remind future generations of a man who was wrongfully convicted and imprisoned, only to bounce back in glorious fashion. Ah yes, prison would be far more beneficial to Michael Vick than fines and a 4-game suspension. Rather than failing to live up to the hype now, he could have his image destroyed, only to exceed the lesser expectations upon his return to the league 3-6 years later. There is honor in that, and Vick would be a fool to pass up the grand opportunity that has fallen into his lap.