Advice for Newlyweds

As my wedding day grew closer I began hearing the same interesting little tips from couples who had been married for years. While some of their tips for me were interesting and unique, I must admit that most of them were the same. Examples: Don't go to bed angry, don't get credit cards. I laugh now because I was determined to use their advice and I have broken both rules listed above at this point in my marriage.

I am no marriage expert. I only have 3 years under my belt. In that three years I have learned things that no one told me before I got married. Little things that perhaps you forget about after 30 years of marriage. I often think 'oh, if only those couples had told me this...'. My guess is that if no one told me, then perhaps no one told you. The things I am about to tell you are not rocket science or any other amazing new discovery. They are simply the things that I have discovered along the way in my marriage. Those tiny little discoveries that inflict fights at midnight and make you doubt your love, no matter how strong it may be. These are the things we have survived in our first three years of marriage.

The Mother in Law: Yes, I was told to keep my mouth shut about my Mother-in-Law and hold my tongue when she did things that I do not agree with. However, it never occurred to me that no matter how much I did not like her, I should probably attempt to be her friend. The thought sends chills up my spine even now, but honestly, it makes life easier. If a friendship isn't an option then be the first to do the little things that make it look like you are trying to be the good, sweet, kind daughter-in-law. Call her, send her a card, send photos, or whatever else it takes to keep her from talking bad about you. You have stolen her little boy and she doesn't want to like you if she is anything like my mother-in-law. Don't make it easy on her to hold this grudge.

The Alarm Clock: There have been moments in our marriage when I have seriously wanted to throw our alarm clock out the window, preferably when my husband was still attatched. A bit dramatic, but you get the point. Before I explain my alarm clock issues, let me explain something. This topic isn't just about alarm clocks. For me it is the alarm clock. For you it is that little thing about your spouse that you fear will annoy you for the next 30 years. That little thing about him that you know will never change. That little thing you didn't even know about until after the wedding.

Now, to my issue. My husband can't set his alarm clock in less than 5 minutes. He has it set, but then continues checking it, resetting it, and most importantly: making it beep like a dying bird while I lay there growing annoyed. I have yelled, I have cried, and I have begged. After three years, 4 alarm clocks, and much pleading he still goes through this annoying ritual of setting his alarm clock.

So, you can't change the habit. This means that you either let something small effect your relationship, or you learn to live with it. My advice: learn to live with it. Or, live around it. Now, I don't go to bed until after the alarm clock is set. Everyone is happy!

Indoor/Outdoor Pets: Everyone talks about how many kids they are going to have, but the number of pets and their living conditions might not be as likely to pop up on the list of hot topics. Please, please, please, please take a few minutes and discuss this with your future spouse before saying 'I do'. I grew up in a home where our 13 year old cat ran in and out of the house as she pleased. I believe that is the way a cat should live and nothing will ever change my mind. My husband grew up in a home where the cat was not allowed inside the house on any condition. When the issue of getting a cat first arose, this was one of the hardest things we ever had to agree on. Save yourself the pain and heartache now and get this figured out.

Perhaps someone in your life has already handed you a warning about the annoying habits, ensuring your Mother-in-Law can't talk bad about you with good conscious, and discussing the issue of pets in full detail. If not, consider yourself warned.