Advice from Other Moms

have two grown daughters, one to soon be 29 and the other one age 23. As my girls were growing up I thought I could handle everything that came my way from the girls. After all I am an educated, type A personality, ADHD mom, what could possible come my way that I could not deal with?

My oldest child is very well rounded, high intelligent and deals with life better than I do at times. Since her father and I divorced when she was three, she has two support families. One with me and her stepfather and the other with her dad. She still visits her dad every other weekend, taking with her best friend's three children that she is helping to raise. I am proud of the way she handles life and issues.

My youngest child is just the opposite. It is with this child that I began seeking help from other moms. When she started preschool at the age of 4 she waited four months before she began talking in class. I began seeking all help I could to assist this child in being more outgoing. In second grade we discovered she had a mild learning disability, not bad enough to qualify her for special classes, just enough to cause her to have issues with learning. Again I began seeking help from all moms I knew to find ways to help her.(The Internet was just a thought in someones mind during these years.)

Her freshman year of high school she made straight A's. I thought yeah, finally improvement. Boy was I ever wrong. During this year she began to have panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. I definitely needed help with this issue. I began talking to other mom's at church and searched for a good counselor for her. She now sees a wonderful psychologist that is a great mom and has been a big help in giving me advise on how to support this daughter.

Being a foster parent , however, is where I began to understand the need of having a great support system filled with other moms. As a foster parent you will be asked to parent children will all kinds of problems. Behavior problems, learning problems, anger problems , bed wetting problems, soiling our pants daily problems, and many more kinds of problems that you never experienced with your own children. It becomes very important to establish a support group of other foster parents. You can not talk about your foster children with your regular friends and family due to HIPAA rules, and you definitely can not handle all the issues on your own.

I have become good friends with a foster mom that has been fostering for seven years, and have developed close relationships with others that have fostered over 100 children. When I run into issues that I do not have a good way to handle I immediately pick up the phone and call on of these moms.

When I took a 13 year old boy in that still wet the bed each night, I had to rely on others to try to figure out how to help this child. Thankfully one mom knew about a doctor in a town close by that could work with the boy on the issue. He has since left my home, and it still having the issue but at least I can feel good that I tried to help him.

My current five year old boy has a problem with "pooping" in his pants a lot. I tried everything I knew to try to help this child but nothing was working. That wonderful psychologist that helps my daughter starting seeing this child as well. It was during a visit with this wonderful lady and mom, that I learned about Encopresis. This wonderful lady, mom to a special needs child of her own, helped me realize that in a small child's mind , especially one that has had a difficult first four years of life, there is no distinguishing between being upset about soiling your pants and being upset about not changing your cloths. I must put myself in the child's shoes to understand the best way to communicate with the child.

I also have a several delayed four year old in my home. Thanks to the wonderful teachers at a special ed class I am learning how to help this child as well. There are times when this child's behavior can really frustrate me. I rely on my friendship with other foster moms to be able to discuss this child's behavior and get new ideas on how to try to help this child be all she can be. I also call my sister about this child. My sister has a miracle granddaughter. Born at around 26 weeks, this girl suffered many medical issues. A lot of the issues I am having with the four year old are similar to what my sister has dealt with. I rely on her support and knowledge to help me get the four year old all the help she needs.

For all you mom's out there that think you can do it all by yourself, like I thought I could with my own two children, find yourself a close friend that's a mom as well. Just having someone to talk to about your frustrations and challenges goes a long way in keeping yourself healthy.