Advice for Readers - Topic: My Husband Won't Come Home
"Ask Dedan"
Hey Dedan,
I see that you are the man on giving advice and I need some of my own. I'm still married to my husband of 3 years. He left me when I was 4 months pregnant with my son who is now 6 months old. I found out that the girl that he is with now, was who he went straight to when he left me. From that time, I know that he has been playing both sides of the coin but I'm trying to hang in there and fight for my marriage. Everyone keeps telling me that he loves the hell out of me but I dont feel tha he does. I've asked him to come home but I know that he is not ready so I have left it alone. Despite the situation I'm trying to be loving and patient but it seems like he's giving all to her and not to this family but he still tells me that he want to come home but he doesn't know how. My question to you is am I playing myself by sticking in there or should I just do as he did and turn my back?
My Advice:
Wow. I'm going to keep it 100% real with you. I cant even BS you on this one. Yeah. You're playing yourself by trying to hang in there. A man is going to do to you whatever you allow him to do to you.
He's playing both of you and getting away with it. Any man who would leave his wife when she was pregnant, has made it clear that he doesn't care about you or his child. That, right there, should have told you that he wasn't the right one for you.
Ladies, if a man really loves you and wants to be with you, there's no way you're going to have to convince him to come home. He's going to want to be there on his own. Anytime you have to beg your man to spend time with you instead of with his friends, that should tell you something. Ladies, all you can do is be the best woman you can be and hope for the best.
Hopefully, I've shed some light on this situation for you:)
Published by Dedan Tolbert
I'm Dedan Tolbert, founder/CEO of Tolbert Books and Distribution as well as the author of the hit novel, "The Love We Had..."(which was just named one of the 10 best for 2006 by The Writers Inn) and the upc... View profile
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2 Comments
Post a CommentSis, I commend you for understanding your place in your man's life... Are you his wife, yes. Are you the mother of his child, yes. Are you interested in keeping your husband, yes. These are the truths that Dedan, fails to build upon.
Our culture will tell you that you have a failed situation but our history tells us that your situation is normal, yes normal. Need proof? Look around you, it's everywhere. The only thing is, no-one has the balls to admit that a man having and marring more than one woman is a natural state. We force the contrary due to the Catholic Churches interference which is historically noted.
What we have now is broken homes and men conducting dual lives as the fallout.
Imagine, if you could (as it seems you have partially already) accept the fact that your man has the capacity to love more than one woman just as you have the capacity to love more than one child... Think this is weird? Think again.. Women world over live a very happy and productive family
The truth hurts...but it is always needed. Good article.