Advice: Retaliation and Relationships

Recently, I came across an interesting question while perusing an advice site. It went something like this: How do I get under my boyfriend's skin? He is a heartless jerk!

The advice seeker went on to describe herself as cute, laidback, sweet, but naïve at times. She did not go into the details of the conflict she was having with her boy toy, but she suggests that infidelity and disrespect were part of the sad equation.

Processing the question

Initially, I felt confused by her question and her ambiguous account of the conflict. I was able to process the question when I considered that this way of looking relationships (as a game) is commonplace. Respect, it seems has really taken a backseat to any and everything else. Women and men disrespect themselves and settle for partners who are insensitive, unfaithful, abusive, and/or dishonest. It seems that ending the unhealthy relationship does not appear to be a solution to the problem. I fail to understand why this is. In my world, respect is of the utmost importance and honor oneself involves being true to what you seek in a significant other, being forthright with them, and being responsible enough to recognize and take the steps to resolve the conflict (which may involve leaving the relationship) when things just are not working out.

This is my response to this young woman's query: "I noticed that you still consider this "jerk" your boyfriend. How about NOT being with him and NOT wasting your time trying to get under his skin. Find someone who will appreciate a beautiful, sweet, and laid back woman! You'd be surprised at how many men would bend over backward for you!

The takeaway

Men and women often fail to see clearly their worth. That is why, I suppose, retaliation for being wronged can appear (to some) to be the most reasonable response to mistreatment. The older I get, the more clearly I see that I am deserving of being treated well. This aspect of myself discovery is likely the contributing factor to my sense of self-satisfaction regardless of whether I am involved with someone or not. I do not need to settle for any treatment that would move me to doubt that fact. I certainly never feel compelled to waste my time retaliating!

Source:
Girls Ask Guys
Personal experience