Advice to Teens: How to Know when You're in Love

As a mom of two kids, one who has just passed her teen years and one who is just moving into his, one of the questions they both have asked me is about love, relationships, and of course, sex. I like to think of myself as a somewhat progressive parent, in that I have no problems discussing real-life issues and my own experiences with my children. I'm honest with them, with age appropriateness, about my experiences in love and relationships.

There are a lot of relationship scenarios and situations even adults don't understand. If adults can't even understand these 'grownup' things, I think it's hardly fair that teens are expected to understand them.

How to Know When You're in Love: Love Doesn't Make Sense

The good news is, you don't really need to understand these things. In fact, if there's one lesson I can teach a teen it's that: Love never really does make sense.

Seriously, don't try to make sense out of it. At the same time, though, you're going to feel things and experience things that you must act upon or choose not to act upon. Your parents and other adults have all probably told you that you should wait until you're in love before you consider serious relationships, before you consider marriage, and before you consider sex.

So how do you know you're in love?

It's a hard question to answer. I suppose that I could tell you that you just know. That's probably what other adults will tell you... you'll just... know. But you know what? Sometimes that's not true. And then what happens if you're feeling the same feelings for more than one person? How can you tell which one is love?

These aren't easy questions, and frankly, there's not any easy answers either. Let's try to answer them though, best as they can be answered.

How to Know When You're in Love: Puppy Love Fades, Feelings Stay

Ah, the rush of attraction. Even adults love it! When you see him at the locker and he winks at you. When she walks by and brushes her hair across your hand on the desk. You get goosebumps, you feel the flip flop in your stomach. It's easy to walk around during the day in a daze, smiling like a silly fool, forgetting to bring your homework home, and jumping every time the phone rings.

This, however, is not love. This is attraction, infatuation, puppy-love. Eventually, the big rush of it fades, and that's when you can ask yourself, "Do I still feel something special for this person?"

How to Know When You're in Love: Trust

Can you trust this girl with your secrets? Are you willing to tell him with or make out with another girl? When she's not with you, is she making eyes at some other guy on the football team?

Trust is important in a relationship, even a teen relationship. If you don't feel you can trust the one you are infatuated with, it probably isn't quite to that 'being in love' stage yet.

How to Know When You're in Love: Are You Yourself?

If you're having to pretend to be something or someone you are not, putting on a front or an image that is false, it won't matter how much you might feel for the other person, you'll never know if they love you for you. Do you think they are being genuine with you? If you don't feel like you can be yourself, then you're probably not truly in love.

How to Know When You're in Love: Communication

Is your boyfriend or girlfriend someone you feel comfortable talking to about things that interest you both? If you feel like you're the one doing all the talking, or you feel like they are doing nothing but talking about themselves, then the communication is lacking in your relationship. You can't get down to true love without quality a mutual communication.

How to Know When You're in Love: Secure Vs. Jealous

Does your boyfriend have to be constantly by your side or does he accuse you of cheating on him frequently? Does your girlfriend call you constantly and always asks you where you've been and what you've been doing, and who you've been doing it with? Do the two of you have things you do together as well as things you're comfortable doing by yourself too?

Real love is secure in the relationship and it comes back to the trust issues. You shouldn't have to
spend every waking moment together when it's real love.

How to Know When You're in Love: How do You Feel?

Do you feel like you're in love? I'm not talking about being crazy, head over heels in love, but more of a peaceful, content and happy feeling of comfort and understanding and shared friendship and communication. When it comes down to it, you will feel when you're in love long before you probably know you're in love.

Keep in mind that very few teen relationships last forever and ever amen. While some people do grow up and marry their childhood sweethearts, it's very likely that somewhere along the line, you're going to break up, fall in love, and break up and fall in love again. That doesn't mean you can enjoy yourself and the time you spend together, and treasure the love and feelings you have in the moment.

If you trust your heart and temper it with your head, being a teenager can be fun and falling in love and sharing that won't be a painful or awkward experience.