Affection and Our Children in Society Today

Ever since I was a child I have known affection. My parents, family and friends have always found ways to make me feel special and I think I am the person I am today because of their affection. Having a family that was open with love, affection and appreciation for one another has created within me a sense of self worth that no 6 figure paycheck could ever create. You see,I grew up in a small midwestern town knowing everyone.

While this did have its disadvantages concerning dating it also has been wonderful as I have gotten older and have moved away from home. Being in a school where everyone knew one another from K through 12 and watched out for one another had an impact upon my life that my children, growing up in a large city will never understand. I find that whenever I leave my large city and go home I still find the warmth and love that was always there and in fact the hugs have only changed in the fact that they are now from people who like myself are growing older and wiser.

My husband, myself and our boys live in a larger city and while it does have its advantages such as shopping and being close to hospitals as well as having excellent schools I find it is sadly lacking in the affection department. Kids are discouraged from what the schools call "public displays of affection" which is simply a new phrase for "supporting your best friend when they need a hug or a pat on the back". Our school district has become so rigid in this area that kids who need that extra moral support are not allowed to connect with others. And those who have the inborn instinct to help others are stifled from doing so as well.

Our town in general and our neighborhood specifically are very cold and uncaring. In fact that although my children are very warm and loving the other children look at them in disbelief when they show affection either to each other or to their father or myself. One Mother even went so far as to tell us when her son and mine were about 3 years old that she and her husband did not encourage hugging...that boys should be taught to be tough and not show affection.

This really floored me but as her son has grown older he has become increasingly sneaky and nasty while my son despite his orneriness is still very loving and kind.
I shudder to think of where her son will be in ten years. Will he still be as nasty as he is today or will he be simply cynical and possibly a juvenile delinquent in training? The possibilities for this child are endless and I wonder if I will be right in my assessment of him in the future.

I hope and pray my sons will still be kind and giving ten years down the line and that they will turn into good men despite the negative influences of the children around them. I like to think that the love and unabashed affection my husband and I have given them will help them in the future. After all a friend told me that once when my son was being told to be kind and not to be cruel that "...I am not criticizing a child but rather I am molding a man." It's something to think about isn't it?!?!?