After a Divorce: Tips on Successfully Managing Joint Custody a Child

It is said that you go through as much stress, anxiety and depression during a divorce as you go through with a death. I believe that because when you think about it, divorce is a type of death. Your marriage and the dream you had for it are gone forever. In addition, the attorneys can now buy that second BMW with the money you gave them for your divorce. Your partner is gone, your money is gone- why would you not suffer from stress, anxiety and depression?

When the divorce involves kids, most cases end up with the parents having joint custody. More often than not people get remarried. Now you are sharing your kids with someone else. This is probably not something you planned when you had your kids and it sure does not help you deal with the stress, anxiety and depression from the entire mess.

I have gone through a divorce and have been on both sides of the fence. I am a mother and I am a step-mom. Our family is so blended it is nearly a smoothie.

Here are some tips to help you manage joint custody and to help deal with your new life.

From the mother side:

Remember the new wife is going to be part of your kids' life whether you like it or not. Your best bet is to get to know her. Don't look at her as the person who took your life and is living your dream. Try to control your feelings of resentment, jealousy or anger towards her. Unless your marriage ended because of an affair with her, she is just an innocent bystander.

Talk to her and see her as just another woman. I had a very close relationship with my kids' step-mom because I took the time to get to know her and found we had a lot in common- including taste in men.

From the step-mom side:

Do your best not to take things personally when dealing with the kids' mom. She is probably going to hate you at first because you are standing in the middle of her old life. No woman likes the idea that another woman is playing their roll in their kids' life. No mom wants to share that title with anyone. Be understanding and patient. Be as friendly as you can with her. Their divorce had nothing to do with you so stay out of it if possible.

I took the time to get to know my stepdaughters' mother and she is one of my closest friends now. We have a great relationship and that makes life so much happier for "our" daughter.

You knew when you married the man that he had kids. He is part of a package plan that you chose to accept. He is going to have to pay child support and there are always going to be things that have to take a backseat to his kids. That is part of the deal when you marry a man with kids.

You have the choice of making joint custody a good or bad experience. For the sake of the kids' you should do everything in your power to put aside your feelings and/or deal with them and make them better.

The attorneys make enough money from the divorce. They do not need to make more because you cannot figure out a way to make the relationship work out for the best interest of the kids.

Once you find a way to have a relationship with the mom or step-mom you will be surprised how quickly you will not be dealing with stress, anxiety or depression anymore.

Source: Personal Experience