After 'DWTS' it May Be "North to Alaska" for Bristol Palin

If there's any justice at "DWTS," either Bristol Palin or Kyle Massey will be gone from the competition by this time tomorrow night. I'd put my money on the former, rather than the latter.

With Kyle Massey's "Charlie's Angels" foxtrot, there seemed to be a real divergence of opinion, with Judge Len Goodman saying, "It started bad and it gradually got worse and worse. I couldn't stand it. It was terrible." Len gave the pair a 5. Carrie Ann Inaba disagreed, calling their dance "a great job," and Bruno Tonioli said, "You bring on the feel good feeling, but you looked a little like Richard Pryor gone mad. A foxtrot possessed by disco fever." The pair scored a total of 20, with the widest divergence in judges' scores, since Carrie Ann gave them an 8 and Len a 5.

Bristol Palin and her partner Mark Ballas came out dressed in gorilla suits to dance to the theme from "The Monkees" on TV theme song night, and it went downhill from there. Bristol's own words seem to fit here: "After being in the bottom two of the leaderboard, I think it is a miracle I'm still here." I can't say I disagree with her there. The comment she made after their dance was over, when she was asked what she thought about the jive was, "I hate the jive." Len said, "I liked the monkey suits. I think I saw a higher degree of performance." Bruno, however, said their technique had gone down the tubes and Carrie Ann, while saying she had seen a transformation, did point out that the duo "forgot a lot of the moves, it looked like." That commentary can't be good in a dancing competition. On "American Idol" it would mean instant elimination.

Neither one of the two above had a good night, and I'm still trying to figure out why Kyle Massey was wearing a mustache and an Afro wig. The announcer said, "You're so Bosley."

Brandy and Maks Chmerkovskiy, who danced first, scored 27 out of 30 for the high score of the evening, doing the quickstep. Len said, "I'm so impressed with that. I'm not joking. It was without a doubt your best dance. Well done!" Bruno said, "I broke my pen. You were on it!" Carrie Ann said, "Such an amazing new look. You're at a whole other level now."

Those who also did well tonight, scoring 24 and 25, were Kurt Warner and Audrina Patridge. Kurt and his partner Anna danced to the theme song from "Bewitched" and Carrie said that, "the spirit of Gene Kelly entered your body. I thought it was wonderful." Len said, "Up you have gone. Vast improvement. A great performance. " Bruno said, "I like it when you are bewitched. Brilliant."

As for Audrina Patridge and Tony Dovolani doing the rumba, Len said it was, "An excellent rumba, but occasionally you look a little intense. A very, very good job." Bruno felt that, "Technically, improved and it worked. But I want it pulsating with passion. Don't be plastic; be fantastic." Carrie told Audrina that she was, "gorgeous" but commented that her upper body was a bit "still."

Rick Fox and Cheryl Burke were in police uniform and danced to the theme song from "Hill Street Blues." The couple also scored 24, earning comments like, "It should be a crime that you can look that good and still do the rumba," from Carrie Ann. Len said, "There is a grace and elegance and, for a big guy, you've got musical arms. You looked more like a couple staying together for the sake of the kids, though." To which Bruno commented, "The children are gonna' be gorgeous," and said, "From Megatron to Megasmooth." Their score of 24 was a good one for the night.

Jennifer Grey and her partner also did well, although their foxtrot to "Love & Marriage" earned the comment from Len, "For me, it was all a bit theatrical. You don't need to waste 12 bars with the feather duster. You're a better dancer than that." Bruno, however, thought it was like, "watching the perfect housewife. You recreated the period of the 50s beautifully. Immaculate." Carrie Ann thought the pair was. "sort of out-of-synch."

Florence Henderson and her partner Corky Ballas danced to the "Brady Bunch" theme song and scored a 21, with comments from Bruno about liking the beginning but not liking the head movements that he said made them look "like rag dolls." Carrie Ann said, "I liked it. You were doing all the moves just like the younger people. A sexy senior." Len said, "I wish I was a sexy senior. You have gotten this far because of your dancing talent. Parts were well executed. Parts were frantic. I think that's possibly your best dance yet." Unfortunately, Florence had to drag in yet another 'cause' comment with her remark that she had done the dance for Robert Reed, who died of AIDS. Next week: I'm thinking she'll dance for World Hunger.

I'd say that tomorrow night's theme song should be "North to Alaska."