After Treatment for Head and Neck Cancer

People who have been treated for cancer of the mouth, tongue, or neck experience changes in very important activities. Speaking, breathing, swallowing, and eating can all be affected. Because there is often a visible sign of cancer, or a noticeable change in voice, people around you react more strongly. Below is a list of challenges, and possible solutions that may help you deal with these changes.

Talking to Kids About What Happened

Kids are so matter-of-fact and curious. Your kids or grandkids or any kids in the family love you. As you become comfortable with your surgery and how things have changed, you can practice explaining what happened to you by talking to children. As you do so, you'll gain confidence as well as support. Little kids may even try to talk like you do, because they want to sound like you, or trace your scar with their fingers and ask you about the surgery.

Try this:
Don't go into too much detail about the cancer or the prognosis, especially if the children are elementary school age or younger. It might be helpful to explain that the surgeon is a type of doctor who cuts out disease, and that you had a sick part of you that's now gone. The part that's gone also helped you talk and eat. That's why you sound funny and/or it takes you so long to eat now. You can reassure children that not much else has changed, and all the things you did before with them and for them will continue, although you may be slower until you recover more strength. Children can be a breath of fresh air as you adjust to this new life.

Your Friends may have difficulty being around you

Having cancer definitely helps you sort the wheat from the chaff when it comes to friends. One of the more painful aspects of the cancer experience is the disappointment when someone you thought you could count on disappears after your diagnosis. This person may have a deep fear of illness or cancer that has nothing to do with you. However, it still hurts. It's your decision whether you want to mend fences or let that person go. If the person is a relative or someone you cross paths with often, you may feel it's worthwhile to be generous and forgive. Consider talking to them face to face or, if it's easier, writing them a note.

Try this:
I was hoping to hear from you during my cancer treatment, but I understand that maybe you didn't know what to say. Cancer can be intimidating. Now that I am finished with treatment, tell me, what's new with you?

Worried About Your Spouse/Partner

One study of quality of life for head and neck cancer survivors and their partners showed that the partners were more distressed than the patients. People who care about people with cancer face a number of stressful challenges. If you're concerned about your spouse's or your partner's ability to cope, check in with them about how they are doing.

Try this:
"We're both going through a lot of changes lately. Are you okay?" Or "You seem tired and stressed out lately. What would help you feel better?" If your partner denies that anything's wrong, you can still notice what's happening and perhaps pitch in to help as you are able. Lighten his or her load. Be creative. If your partner feels emotionally connected to you, the stresses may be easier to bear.