Afterlife Visitations - He Touched My Face

In the early days after loosing my only child to suicide, I felt Jason's presence all around me. At first I thought I must be imagining things, but looking back over the months, there have been too many visits to explain away. I must confess, I have witnessed ghostly visitations for as long as I can remember, and I have come to attribute this to the fact that I have always been highly sensitive to such phenomena. That being said, it was no surprise to me the first time I felt Jason touch my face from "The Other Side".

In this fourth article on surviving suicide, I feel the need to address this controversial aspect of the grieving process, because not only was it one of my greatest concerns after Jason's death, but most of the parents in my support groups have experienced some form of afterlife visitations at some point during their grief process. For many of the bereaved in these tragically elite groups of parent's, family and friends surviving suicide, experiencing an afterlife visit in the early stages of grief is frighteningly alarming and raises more questions in an already tumultuous and confusing time.

As I had mentioned in my last article, the devastation of loosing my only child in such a horrific way caused me to question my faith. Having been raised Catholic, I grew up believing that death by suicide was a mortal sin and those "committing" suicide would end up in Purgatory. Although it had been many years since I actually practiced my faith as a Catholic, those beliefs were still ingrained in my consciousness, and I was mortified. At some point, I even referred to a later version of the Catechism, which advised that anyone suffering from mental distress or illness would be allowed into Heaven through the intervention of prayer.

As I struggled to regain some semblance of normalcy, as well as make peace with God, I had to be certain that Jason would be accepted into the heavenly realm where He existed. Fortunately, I had for many years, traveled a very different spiritual path than that of a practicing Catholic. This is not to say that I would ever denounce my faith in Catholicism, as it was in the Catholic Church that some of my earliest spiritual encounters occurred. However, I have spent most of the last twenty three years studying and observing the beliefs and rituals of many other religions, including Metaphysics, Native American, Buddhism, Hinduism, and the Tao and have found that while all have major differences, they all have many similarities. What I have gleaned from studying all of these disciplines is that in all things, if we love 'God' above all, we will have no choice but to follow a 'righteous' path. It is for this reason that I have been able to make my way back to my faith in a loving God and to be confident that my son's soul is in a better place, which I like to refer to as Heaven.

Many parent survivors I have encountered struggle with these same issues of suicide and Heaven, and I find that the more devout they are in their spiritual convictions, the more difficult is their ability to accept less severe possibilities when it comes to the salvation of their departed loved one's soul. I have witnessed many arguments and tormented individuals among some support groups members who were unable to acknowledge another's belief in the Hereafter. As if we aren't already in enough pain over loosing our precious children or loved ones, some of the members still have to be right when it comes to their personal religious beliefs. Sadly, some would rather leave a group, which is often their only means of emotional support, than to allow others to voice their opinions on the Afterlife.

As children, most of us were taught that our imaginary friends, fairy's and ghosts were all figments of our over-active imaginations and consequently, most of us grew up having forgotten our connections to the spirit world. All of our teachings about the Hereafter were based on our family's religious beliefs, and until we reached adulthood, many of us never questioned or considered other spiritual possibilities. Imagine the shock of experiencing an apparition of a recently deceased loved one under these circumstances.

My first visit from Jason, after his death, came the first night I arrived in Florida to prepare for his memorial service. He came in the form of a dream, which appeared to be so real that I can describe it in vivid detail to this day. I was riding, in the rental car I had picked up at the airport, along a coastal highway with the windows wide open and air blowing my hair all over. The smell of the salty ocean air was warm and comforting and the sun was brighter and colors richer than I could ever remember. Suddenly, as if appearing out of nowhere, Jason pulled up along side me on his Ninja motorcycle and as if suspended in time, he looked me in the eye with the most heavenly grin on his face. Then with a swish, he was gone. In the background, I heard someone singing, "...it's time for me to find a better life." When I awakened, I felt so peaceful and was absolutely convinced the dream was real.

My second visit didn't come until the day after I returned from Florida. It was Sunday, July 9, 2006 and I was lying in bed sobbing, when suddenly, I felt someone spooning me. I immediately became calm, and what followed next could not be mistaken. I felt a very gentle brush of a hand on my cheek. I knew immediately that it was Jason.

Over the next few months, I felt Jason mischievously poke me in the back, wrap his arms around me and had another dream of him wearing all white, with what appeared to be a bright white mist surrounding him. Again, he sported that heavenly grin, and though he didn't speak, I knew all was well with my angel son.

As time passed and the shock of loosing Jason began to wane, his visits became less visual. On several occasions, usually when I was feeling desperately sad, I would suddenly get a whiff of an odd, sweet, yet outdoorsy odor. The aroma would instantly lift my spirits from the pits of despair to an almost giddy sense of elation. These visits were short, lasting less than a minute, and once over, there would be no trace of the transcending scent left in the room.

As the visits became less frequent and my longing to experience Jason's presence increased, I began reading anything and everything I could on the subject of after-death experiences to affirm what I already knew to be true. Having studied the phenomena many years prior to Jason's untimely death, I began recalling the long forgotten information I was reading and was able to categorize my recent visits according to accepted notions of afterlife experiences.

In doing so, I could explain to myself why I was able to connect with Jason on the other side in a way that was acceptable to the skeptical side of my intellect. According to John Edward, in his book, One Last Time - A Psychic Medium Speaks to Those We Have Loved and Lost, we are more likely to connect with our loved ones on the other side by raising our level of energy, while they in turn lower theirs. He contends that when the soul leaves the body into the spirit world, it vibrates at a much higher energy level than humans. Thus, it is nearly impossible to communicate with other worldly beings without adjusting the energy levels of both. Mr. Edward suggests that during the deepest phases of grief, the bereaved are more likely to have a higher energy level due to the stress and shock caused by their loss, and this is why they are able to experience afterlife visits from their departed loved ones.

A long time advocate of meditation and prayer, I have come to realize that when I make these practices a daily routine, I am more open and receptive to the spiritual realm. As I mentioned earlier, I have always been aware of life outside of the 'here and now' and have experienced many visitations over the years; some of which have brought about life changes that I would probably have missed if left to my own devices. This is not to say that all experiences have been positive, rather the opposite, in some instances. However, the greatest lesson I have learned from the many encounters I have had is that living in the here and now is more important to our spiritual growth than spending our time trying to make contact with the other side. Thus, I made a conscious choice a long time ago that I would focus my energies on living passionately and giving the best of myself to whatever it is I am trying to accomplish in this life. It is through daily prayer and meditation that I am able to find the strength to persevere in all that I do, especially at this stage of my life.

As I continue on this journey of survival, I know that letting go of Jason is ultimately where I am heading, and I am sure that is what he wants. Although I would love to continue encountering his spirit at every turn, I know that the time will soon come when I won't be able to feel Jason's presence, but in my heart I know he will always be near. Because of the many visits he has made this year, I also know that Jason is in a better place and that gives me comfort, hope and a reason to go on.