Aggressive Women in Dating, Turn on or Turnoff?

A high school friend of mine had a crush on a mutual friend of ours. She decided she was going to let him know she liked him by walking on his porch, standing directly in front of him, and saying, "Can I see your penis?" As much as I'd like readers to think I'm making this up, this is a true story. And when he refused, she asked several times and tried to yank at his pants-with me and another friend staring in open-mouthed shock. Finally she got the hint and stopped badgering him, but after that day, she said he was "acting funny" and she no longer liked him.

Years later, I had an associate who told me, while looking at my prom date, "If you don't f-k him, I will." My date dodged her for the rest of the night. Again, this wasn't a bad-looking girl, but that comment surely made us less friendly. Luckily, he knew better than to believe the "birds of a feather flock together" theory.

Oftentimes I've heard men say that they'd like a woman who would take some initiative and admit she liked him so he didn't have to do all the chasing, but there's a fine line that can't be crossed unless you want to turn him off.

Here are a few tips on what not to do if you're really interested in more than sex with this guy:

Tip One: Do not tell him how much you'd like to have sex with him on a first date. Men rarely attach sex to emotions. He may have sex with you, but he's not going to call you the next day unless he wants more sex. You will be labeled the jumpoff-the woman you jump on and jump off when the sex is over. Flirting is great; it lets him know you're interested. But advertising yourself as easy (verbally, electronically, or physically) will not get you even an inkling of respect from him. This is especially important for women who like celebrities; sometimes some of the most bashful women will throw themselves completely on a person for being famous. Remember, he's a guy too. His actions will be no different, and you'll have far more competition.

Tip Two: Stop following him everywhere he goes. Regardless of whether you all have a sexual relationship or not, unless he's the jealous type who loves to have you around so he knows your whereabouts, if he says he wants a men's night out, that doesn't mean men's night and you too. If he goes to the store, stop asking, "Can I come?" Let him invite you. You may like his company, but that doesn't mean he always wants yours. And if you require this much attention, date someone else who mutually wants to be around you this much. Keep in mind just because he may not want to be around you every hour of the day does not mean he doesn't like you; it just may mean he needs space.

Tip Three: If you make plans to see him (especially if you're coming from out of town) and he doesn't help you with your plans or make an attempt to see you, cut it out. You'll look crazy coming back to him screaming at him via phone, computer or in person (if he's not from out of town) about how he acts like he doesn't want to see you when he may have not invited you to his neighborhood in the first place. No interested man is going to blow you off if you come in from out of town, especially if it has been some time since he saw you last, unless there's an emergency. And if he thinks he's going to get sex out of the deal, more than likely he'll meet you at whatever bus, plane, or car you're coming into town for. He may even pick you up. But if he blows you off, chalk it up as a loss and find someone who is excited to be in your presence.

Tip Four: Be careful how you dance with him at a club. If it's reggae music, it's likely that your body may be winding, but that doesn't mean it has to be winding all over the front of his jeans. Bending down and jiggling your butt from side to side is normal at Flirty Girl Fitness, but you don't have to do it for the entire club to see. He shouldn't be groping you in places he's never seen, especially if you two just met. Unless you're getting paid to be a video girl or a stripper, calm it down a notch. You can be sexy without putting your breasts on him.

Tip Five: Do not sleep with him on a first date. Comedian Steve Harvey agrees with the 90-day rule in his book "Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man." Rapper Andre 3000 disagrees and says on his CD "The Love Below" that giving it up on the first night let's him "know she knows what she wants" even when they can't find her panties the next day. However, how many married or long-term couples do you know that had a one night stand on their first date? My opinion: Follow Steve Harvey's advice. You don't have to mark the days down on your calendar, but at least make him learn your first, last, and (optional) middle name. Make him learn your likes and dislikes. Visit his home. Get to know him outside of physical appearance. But if you do sleep with him, use protection. Otherwise you may end up connected to him for 18 years and find out 9 months from now that you hate his personality. Safe sex is sexy.