Aging Gracefully

What does aging gracefully mean to you? Does it have to do with wrinkle cream, hair color and dressing young? Forgetting you have birthdays and lying about your age?

Aging is inevitable. It starts, in fact, from the moment of conception. You grow, and as you grow, you change. First you change from a fetus into a baby; then after you are born, you change from a baby to a toddler, to a pre-teen and a teen, and finally an adult. As an adult, your body is done growing, but for your mind, your attitude toward life, you have a choice. You can either stop growing here, or continue to grow. When I talk about aging gracefully, it is not the external self I am referring to. I am talking about the internal self; the essence of self; which may in fact be young, old or no particular age at all.

I felt very young in my 20's; like I would never "grow up." Once someone said that they knew I was older than they. I have always looked very young for my age; got "carded" well beyond the legal age of 21, and even for movies rated "R." So, I asked them how they knew that I was older, and they said it was because I "talked older." Did that mean I no longer used the language and vernacular of their generation? That I had moved beyond young to the next level? Another time, when I was about 30, I was with someone who may have been all of 35 or so, and I envied her "maturity." Oh, to be like her! I think it was not her age itself I saw; I saw other qualities such as self-assurance and calmness. It was what I wanted then and what I want now.

Now my role models are older women, women who have had many life changes. They have perhaps lost a partner, home, or physical abilities, but have borne it bravely, used the opportunity to broaden themselves, continue to speak boldly and positively about life, and keep their heads up and dignity intact as they move to another life stage. "How do they do that?" I ask, even as the answer comes. They are aging gracefully.

What aging gracefully means to me now is working toward becoming more accepting of myself and others, and what life brings; slower to speak, slower to anger, but faster to listen. I aspire to be more flexible and agreeable to change. I would like to be more centered; more alive in the moment. It is an ongoing battle; I still worry too much, fret about the little things, fight against invisible foes, and become irritated with daily life. I alternately wish for the past and yearn for the future. I am a work in progress; closer than I was in my 30's, but further away than I want to be.

There is always something to work toward, and this in itself is the essence of aging gracefully.