Agoraphobia: Interview with an Agoraphobic

First of all, let me preface this by explaining just what "agoraphobia" is, to those that don't know. It comes from the Greek word "agora" meaning open marketplace. Of course, a phobia is an uncontrollable or irrational fear of something. So, agoraphobia has come to be known as a fear of the market place or open spaces. However, not all agoraphobics will tell you that it's the open spaces or the market place that brings this sudden, uncontrollable fear to the surface. It is in fact, the fear of "losing control" or having a panic attack in a public setting.

In actuality, most agoraphobics are "A" type personalities. This means that they are perfectionists and if something doesn't feel accordingly or absolutely perfect, it can bring on a lot of anxiety in their lives.

Taking this backwards, even one step further, most agoraphobics might tell you that their childhoods enveloped a situation where they were expected to be perfect. Being perfect was thrust upon them by either one or both parents. In order to feel loved, or just accepted, they felt they had to excel or act like perfect children. This need to be perfect, in order to be loved, or in order for their surroundings to feel acceptable, creeps into their adult lives. And of course we all know as adults, life just isn't and can never be perfect. However, the agoraphobic adult still continues to strive for perfection, within themselves and their surroundings.

This will then create a sense of confusion and extreme frustration to the adult who is trying to make sure that everything around them is perfect, both for themselves and those they love and care about. In turn, anxiety is more likely to be the result, as nothing seems perfect, no matter how hard they try. That anxiety can then become agoraphobia if untreated in time. Unchecked anxiety becomes overwhelming to this person and they will often refrain from leaving their homes or venturing to places that might spark an anxiety or panic attack. This can become a very debilitating illness or condition.

I chose to do an interview with an agoraphobic for a few different reasons. It is still a very misunderstood condition or disorder. Although more and more is known about anxiety attacks, being this is a very anxiety induced generation with all that is going on in the world today, not much is really known or understood about the person who must deal with the ever present and constant anxiety or panic attacks. One can look up information and comprehend what it entails, but to truly understand, one needs to know just what the agoraphobic person must deal with on a day to day basis.

Now I will proceed with the interview. My subject however, wishes to remain anonymous. There is still so much stigma attached to being agoraphobic. Although it has become more widely known in today's society, there is still so much that others don't or can't completely understand about the condition. Most agoraphobics are told (even by loved ones), to just snap out of it....again, the pressure to be perfect human beings with no faults or flaws.

QUESTION: How long have you been agoraphobic?

REPLY: About 25 years.

QUESTION: That's a very long time. How old were you at the onset of the condition?

REPLY: I was in my early 20's.

QUESTION: Did it just start out of the blue, one day you were "normal" or "okay" and the next you were agoraphobic or did it occur gradually over time?

REPLY: With what I've learned, I suppose one can say that it occurs gradually over time. There are events in my childhood that probably conditioned me to be predisposed, such as feeling I couldn't be accepted without being perfect. That's a lot to ask or expect of a child. I tended to be a perfectionist and then a worrier, so I suppose those things became key elements. However, it really hit hard while I was a young mother and there was a lot of stress in my life. I thought I was equipped to handle just about anything, but my body and mind were telling me different.

QUESTION: How did you realize that you had this condition?

REPLY: I didn't know for a long time what it was. In the beginning, I thought I just had the flu, but after one month, and then two months and I still wasn't feeling better, I knew something had to be seriously wrong. I went to many doctors, but not one of them said what it was. Some said it was stress and that I just had to learn how to calm down. I never received a proper diagnosis, or medical treatment. Finally, one day I was reading a newspaper article about agoraphobia and right at that moment I knew that this is what I must have.

QUESTION: In helping the readers understand this a little better, what sorts of symptoms do you experience that cause this condition to take over your life?

REPLY: Initially, it might start out with some light headedness, upset stomach or even chest pains. I've had times where 1/2 my body would go numb (also a symptom of a stroke, which can bring on feelings of panic even more, thinking it's something that serious). Generally, it's heart palpitations, or a racing of the heart that just starts out of nowhere. It takes quite a while to realize that it's "only" anxiety and to try and bring my heart rate down again. That's the trouble with anxiety and panic disorder. It can imitate other, more serious illnesses, that you wonder if THIS time, there might really be something wrong with you.

QUESTION: Do you know why this happened? Was there something, traumatic perhaps, that was the catalyst for this condition?

REPLY: Over time I have figured out, on my own, why this has happened to me. There was a lot of stress (abuse even) in my life at the onset. As a young mother I worried about raising my children, trying to be the perfect mother, being able to pay the bills, trying to make my marriage perfect and also, trying to keep my home running smooth, on top of working a stressful job in an office. I suppose it all just became so overwhelming that something inside me snapped.

QUESTION: Are you on medication for your anxiety/panic disorder?

REPLY: No. I tried something years ago (I can't remember the name of the med) but it only made me feel sleepy and out of sorts. At the time I had very young children and felt I couldn't care for them to the best of my ability while on meds. All I could do was fight the panic attacks on my own. After a few trials and misses, I discovered that calcium supplements work best for me in helping to alleviate "some" of the anxiety, without any side effects. I know some people are on medication and it works well for them. Unfortunately, I haven't found anything that helps me (yet).

QUESTION: Are you able to leave your home.... where does your safety zone extend to?

REPLY: I suppose I'm more fortunate than some agoraphobics as I am able to leave my home occasionally, BUT, the circumstances have to be just right. If I have to go somewhere, such as to my children's houses or to a funeral, a school concert, etc., I'm able to. However, it is a struggle and I have to prepare myself well in advance to calm myself down, or to just really try hard to fight the panic attacks. It can be extremely exhausting in itself.

QUESTION: What sorts of things have you done to try and overcome this condition, and which ways do you find work best for you?

REPLY: As any agoraphobic can attest to, we try everything we can think of. We very much wish we could just "snap out of this". I've tried herbal medication (those gave me severe headaches), I've tried cognitive therapy as is often suggested (I think that works best if you have an understanding "coach" with you, something I've never had), I've tried positive thinking (which helps but isn't 100% because stress and daily living can set you back in that respect, which can make it hard to constantly be thinking positive). Of course, I try to eat properly and get plenty of exercise, which does help. I also take calcium supplements, as I mentioned, which I think have helped me the most over the years in calming down.

QUESTION: What are some things that bother you the most about this condition?

REPLY: Oh, there are so many things. I'll try to list some for you without dragging this on too much. 1) That people just don't understand when I say I can't go places. Just because it's easy for them, and it should be such a simple thing, they can't understand that it isn't for me. I wish they would understand that, without anger or without patronizing me. 2) That I've missed out on so much life, not being able to go places where I use to prior to the agoraphobia, to go shopping, to movies, do things with my children outside of the home. 3) For people to understand that panic attacks can be very frightening. If you could imagine the thing that would scare you the most ....and it would probably be a very valid fear.... agoraphobics feel that fear on almost a constant basis, without a rational reason. That fear trigger almost never shuts off in the brain.

QUESTION: If this would help, what would you want others to know about "you" and about your experience living with agoraphobia?

REPLY: I would want them to "know" that I'm not a useless person, that I'm not lazy, but quite the contrary. Even though I don't leave my home much, I am extremely busy most every day. I do work very hard IN my home and yard. I think most people would tend to believe that we shut ourselves in a room and just vegetate all day. Nothing could be further from the truth. Also, I don't need to be coddled or patronized, but I don't need to be chastised or ridiculed either. I just need for them to understand as much about this condition or situation as is humanly possible.

I would also want them to know that I'm a very intelligent person. Most think that a smart person wouldn't get themselves into such a situation or would be able to figure out HOW to overcome this quicker, but that has nothing to do with it. I also have talents, abilities and value as a person. I would like to be acknowledged for those and not to have this "label" of just being an agoraphobic! I would also want them to understand that I'm doing everything in my power to overcome this condition, but that if for some reason this stays with me for the rest of my life, to understand and accept that fact, as I will have to. If I were to have any "other" condition or illness, instead of agoraphobia, I'm sure it would be accepted readily. So why can't it be the same with "this" condition?

QUESTION: Lastly, how can those around you be of help or assistance to you, either on a daily basis or in helping you to overcome this disorder?

REPLY: They need to allow me go about things at my own pace. To feel pushed or pressured, only adds to the anxiety. If pressured, I start to feel that need to be "perfect" again. To just accept that agoraphobia is part of me and that it IS an illness or condition. And, until (IF) this condition is overcome, allow me to do only what I'm capable of doing at any given time. I find that less pressure lessens the feelings of anxiety and panic. It may take me longer, but I do get the really important things accomplished. It would also be nice if someone would, every now and then, ask me if "I" need anything. Most people with agoraphobia will not "ask" for help, because we think that only adds to the impression of us being weak, lazy, useless or imperfect. So, just ask if we could use a helping hand from time to time. And maybe most importantly, don't focus so much on what we "can't" do, but what we "can" do. We can actually do quite a bit, and even things that others can't do. It's just that our talents and abilities are limited to the confines of our safety zones. To just give that bit of understanding, might even help us to overcome this condition that much sooner.

INTERVIEWER: Thank you very much for the interview. I do wish you the best. I hope that this interview will help many to understand the condition/disorder a little better, and maybe, if there's anyone they know that is agoraphobic, might have learned how to accept, understand and even help them better.

This concludes my interview with my subject. I'm sure there is so much yet to understand about the condition, however, time and space are somewhat restricted. Perhaps those who don't suffer from the condition might never truly understand the magnitude it has on someone's life. Agoraphobics are still perfectly capable of going about their day and being productive citizens, however, their day consists of remaining within their "safety zone". They are still highly capable and highly intelligent people.

As my subject expressed, it's much like going through a traumatic experience. Your brain kicks into "survival mode" when there is a trigger of fear. For the agoraphobic, their brain forgets to shut off when the presence of danger has passed. Maybe by understanding agoraphobia in those terms, can we actually understand how these people live and cope with the condition.