Alan's Story: How AIDS Devestated the Life of Someone Close to Me

I have watched over the years as AIDS has taken the lives of countless people. Rich and poor, famous and common, all ages and all colors. People unknown, nameless statistics, cut down by this dreaded disease. Then it happened to someone I knew. Alan was a gentle spirit, a gifted artist and a caring human being. He was a kindred soul to me. The embodiment of all that was good.

When Alan was 19, he confined in me. He told me he was gay. He was sorry that he wasn't like a 'normal' man. He said he would understand if I never wanted to see him again, but he was determined to live his life as he saw fit and hoped I would understand.

I never thought to shut him out of my life. We were a team, he and I. From hiking in the woods to sitting by the sea, we were always together. When others slammed the door in his face, I only grew closer to him.

Years would pass after he took me into his confidence. I moved back home to California from the Midwest, while he stayed put. I got married, and he committed to his 'life mate'. I had two daughters and his children were two dogs and a cat. He became a sculptor and I became a writer. Our worlds were parallel.

When my marriage began to unravel in the late 1980s Alan was there for me in spirit, as well as burning up the phone wires. When I wanted to give up, he kept me going. I made it through the storm because Alan was always there to support me.

Then in 1989, Alan was diagnosed with the HIV virus and his life changed seemingly overnight. People Alan had befriended over the years suddenly were not available, long time contacts were unable to meet with him.

The irony was that everyone knew Alan was gay and had no problem with it. But the minute HIV was mentioned, he was abandoned.

For four years after his diagnosis, he was ridiculed and cast out, as though he was a pariah. His only solace was his life mate Ryan and Ryan's family, a small circle of friends, and me. I agonized over the fact that there was nothing I was able to do to ease Alan's suffering.

Toward the end, Alan tried to make contact with the very people who had abandoned him. They still wanted nothing to do with him, even though he was dying. One member of his own family told him he was getting what he deserved.

Alan took those rebuffs with a grain of salt. One of the last things he said was he was sorry people could be so cruel and ignorant. He wished someone could make people understand that HIV/AIDS was an inhumane disease that affected all types of people.

His fervent wish was that people would look at the thousands of HIV/AIDS sufferers. He wanted people to see past sexual orientation and see the children, the elderly and all who were devastated by this disease. They are human beings, all of them, and they deserve kindness and compassion, as would a cancer patient or anyone suffering from any disease.

Alan died in February 1993. He left behind Ryan and Ryan's family; parents Stella and Ray, brothers Jason and Tim, and sister Susan. He left behind his dogs Duke and Noodle and cat Percy. He left behind his close friends Ken, Mike, Paul, Shelly and Lisa. He left behind a world of ignorant and uncaring fools, including his own parents and brothers. And he left me.

His legacy is a rich and colorful life lived to the fullest and blessed with a sense of caring and giving. He will always live on in my heart. Alan, I will miss you forever, my brother.