Alcoholics and Me

Alcohol abuse is a major problem for many people today. It's affected me several times during my life. Some ways more than others. Directly or indirectly, this problem may affect you as well.

Growing up, I never knew that two of my grandparents were alcoholics. This knowledge wasn't given to me until the past few years. My grandmother, my dad's mom, wasn't really a surprise. Looking back I can see all the signs now. Her house was filthy and dark. She was thin as a rail because she never ate. She very rarely left the house and she didn't really want us grandkids around. I could even tell that my dad didn't like being around her.

My grandfather was a surprise, though. This is also on my dad's side. As I grew up, I had three sets of grandparents. My dad's parents had divorced long before I was born. Both had remarried. I was a teenager before I realized three sets of grandparents wasn't normal. So my paternal grandparents were both alcoholics.

The reason this was so hard for me to accept as far as my grandfather was concerned, was because he had dried out a long time before I came along. All of my life I had known a gentle, well-mannered man. He had built a wonderful life for himself and his new wife. A great lake home, a successful cattle ranch and just about anything money could buy. I remember him as tall, strong and always smiling. He was always patient and kind with me. One of the things I liked the most about him was his silk pajamas. I'm not sure why I thought that was so special, but I did. I still do. He had class, real Texan-style class.

It's been years now since his death and my step-grandmother tells me new stories all of the time about him. Stories that I find hard to swallow. I believe my grandmother because she is a stong and honest woman. She's the reason he straightened up.

She tells me of a man who stayed drunk and mean most of the time. He'd come home just to tear the house up. She's never said so, but I'm afraid he probably physically hurt her, too.

But she managed to put a stop to it with her faith in God. She pulled her strength from Him and gave it to my grandfather. If it wasn't for my grandmother, my grandfather would have died in a gutter all alone. I would have never known him.

Unfortunately, he developed pancreatic cancer in the early 1990's. He refused treatment of any kind. I've always thought he did that because my dad had died in 1986 from ALS. But now I wonder if he felt he deserved it. Could the cancer have been caused by years of hard drinking? Did he accept this as his punishment for drinking? I'll never know.

Genetically I could probably become an alcoholic. But I've not only seen how it affected my grandparents, I've experienced loss because of a drunk driver. My cousin was killed by one in 1983. It devastated my entire family. I know that to honor his memory, I can never let alcohol take over my life.

Alcohol abuse is still an active part of my family, though. About four years ago, we became aware that my mother-in-law had a problem. We came together as a family to fight it. She resisted us saying she didn't have a problem, but we could see the signs.

A lot of her problem is genetic. Her mother was also an alcoholic. But my mother-in-law had several events happen that compounded her stress and added to her heavy drinking.

Her daughter always gave her trouble. Things seemed to look up when she married, but it didn't last. Tragically, she killed her husband to be with another man. Of course, she was caught and has been in prison for several years.

Also during this time, my husband and I weren't speaking to his brother. We had let little things build up and it turned into a five year fight. It was my mother-in-law's drinking that brought us back into the family.

We tried letting Linda live with us to dry out. But this proved to be much harder than we expected. Our son lost his bedroom and had to sleep on a mattress on the floor in his sister's room. I felt that I had to babysit her all of the time. I couldn't relax at all. Then once she dried out, she took over my house. She bought new cleaning supplies because mine weren't good enough and she cooked all of the time. But worst of all, she smoked in our house. I only held up to about three weeks of it. By the fourth week, I was ready to move to my mom's house. So my husband took her home, two and a half hours away.

I felt bad about it all. I really did want to help her, but living with us was not the answer. It was just as stressful on her as it was on us. She went right back to drinking as soon as she got home.

My father-in-law works out of town a lot, so he wasn't there to take care of her. But my brother-in-law kept a close eye on her. He knew she was drinking again.

When my father-in-law came home and realized how bad it was, he admitted her to a treatment center. She stayed there for 35 days. She went through detox and had a horrible time at first. But then her therapy started working. We could take her out for a couple of hours one day a week. She made great friends and really began to improve.

She's now been sober almost a year. She found help through AA meetings and strength from God. She keeps a God box where she places all of her worries and concerns. She stays busy making candles or helping other alcoholics. She's learning that she doesn't need the alcohol.

As a family, we have become much stronger. Sure, we've seen bad times, but we work our way through them together. Linda has accepted that she can't change things for her daughter, but that she can live for her sons and grandchildren. She's discovered what true love and forgiveness is from all of us and God. She becomes a better person everyday.

If you are an alcoholic or suspect someone close to you being one, then here's a little information to help you out.

Some symptoms related to alcohol abuse are: flushed face, loss of memory, frequent arguments with close friends and family, headaches, anxiety, insomnia, nausea, rapid weight loss, reclusive behavior, uncontrollable shaking, slurred speech, diarrhea, and secretive behavior. These aren't all of the tell-tell signs of an alcoholic, but it is a start. Make sure you rule out other health problems before you confront your loved one, though. There are muscular diseases that follow some of these symptoms, too.

Don't feel that alcohol abuse is a hopeless situation. There are treatments and support systems. Conventional medicine, alternative medicine, and at-home remedies are all choices. No matter which route you choose, treatment has to begin with the alcoholic admitting to being an alcoholic. Family and friends must support the person one hundred percent, also. Without a good support system, failure will be inevitable.

Treatment has two stages - detoxification and recovery. During detox, the person will experience panic attacks, shaking, and maybe even hallucinations. This stage is best dealt with at a treatment center. With conventional medicine, medications are used to interfere with the alcohol in the system. It will cause nausea, vomiting, confusion and possibly breathing difficulties. Other medications can help reduce the craving for alcohol and sometimes antidepressants and antianxiety drugs are used. If you choose the conventional method, don't rely on all the medications to give you will-power. You must learn to do without the alcohol and accept the fact that you can never drink again.

Alternative medicine doesn't use medications. Instead, acupuncture, massages, herbal therapies, hydrotherapy, mind/body medicine and nutrition and diet are implemented. Acupuncture helps to relieve some of the withdrawal problems, helps prevent seizures and even increases the chances of a patient recovering. Some of the herbs used are milk thistle, which protects the liver from damage. Skullcap helps with withdrawal when used with lavender or motherwort. Even herbal teas can be of help. Hydrotherapy is simply soaking in a bath with sea salts or baking soda. This helps to get the toxins out of the body. Mind/body medicine is simply coping techniques such as meditation. Nutrition and diet deals with stabilizing blood sugar levels.

At-home remedies is basically learning to live without alcohol. The key to this is avoiding places and people that encourage drinking. Surround yourself with loved ones that support your choice of not drinking. Get involved in community activities and make sure to exercise. These are activities that help keep your mind active and your body busy. You might be surprised at how just walking can make you feel better.

Hopefully, by reading my story and information you're ready to admit to being an alcoholic or are ready to help one. Just make sure to be open to all options. Know your limits and set reasonable goals for yourself. With just some time and faith, you or your loved one can recover.

For additional information go to these websites: www.thewatershed.com; http://ncadi.samhsa.gov; www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.

Resources: Health and Wellness Handbook by Time Life, The Southwestern Company, Nashville, TN, 2001