Alien

for half a second
looking down
while the sun fought the dark for control of the day
i believed it.

some mental
psychic pause button clicked on and time stretched forever
and i was who he said-
i was real.

waking up was slow and lazy
sleep burned off with the fog and the cold
and the winter air felt like summer
when i stepped out the door
and said good-bye.

and as the day settles around me
one reality is replaced with another
blending in the laughter of children
one wide open and nothing but light
the other everything dark
that brought me here.

they were all steps, i know this
philosophically
every angry word, each attack a bead on the chain
that started out ugly
cold and vicious
and ended in this place of
sentiment and security
opposite ends of the world, linked
with me in the middle

and all the knowledge, all the zen acceptance and
rise-above wisdom
are beautiful things, in theory
but the fist that grips me and
squeezes my breath out
the voice rising loud over every blissful sound i'd ever heard
the promises of death and violation
scream louder than i ever have

i want to stop, here.

i want to stay in this place, i don't want to remember
i want to rip the chain apart, forget the lessons learned,
the valuable experience
and live beginning now

with the sunrise
and the laughter in the next room
and the words i believed for half a second
the only things i know.