Alien Abduction Humor

A humor piece about supposed ways tell if someone you know is secretly an alien agent:

1: He eats something you have never seen before in your life.

2: He is elusive when asked about his weekend plans, saying things like, "You know. The usual." or "Just kicking it" or "Why do you ask?"

3:His new cell phone seems to have a lot of very elaborate and sophisticated functions.

4: Whenever he has been away from the workplace he thoroughly explains why to everyone.

5: Occasionally he starts a sentence with; "On my planet we, um, I mean, in the average small town where i grew up we...".

6: Sometimes lately he leaves his coat on during the day and gets defensive when asked why.

7: He shreds more than the usual amount of documents.