All Men Are...

A view from the street.

Some men are scum!

So are some women!

These things are just facts. However, they are facts that many cannot seem to face. There are men and women that cannot bring themselves to admit that the "fair sex" is anything other than perfect and these views have bred a self righteous attitude in so many women it is scary. Conversely, the same is not true about peoples ideas of men. I have met rabid misogynists that really do hate women with all their hearts, but who still acknowledge that some men are scum.

Some women are bad mothers, but why are we so afraid to say so? We have no such fears when it comes to men. Many are quick to criticize males and their failings as fathers, but those same people often cannot bring themselves to say that there are poor mothers. Another weird aspect of male and female relationships, is the refusal by many to admit or, if they do admit, refuse to condemn, female violence against men in relationships. Why is this? What drives the thought processes of people like this? Is it simply ignorance of the facts, or is it something else? Perhaps it's wilful ignorance? Perhaps it is misplaced loyalty to a gender? Perhaps it is a mess of preconceived ideas about violence (The biggest person always wins, for example)? Is it perhaps an idea that if there must be a choice between being critical of the two genders, it is safest to condemn the male gender? Perhaps the answer lies in the political beliefs of those who refuse to think in these ways? Maybe it's a combination of all, or some, of these things? This much is certain, those who cannot face up to the facts that people and not genders do bad things are deeply flawed and are living in a state of denial about the human race.

Among the many arguments I have heard is the one that says; "Statistically, women do less bad things than men." It is an argument that cannot be denied. There are more men in prison for criminal activities. There are more men who rape, kill, commit domestic abuse and so on. However, we have to be very careful about statistics and the collection of them. Let me give a few examples of what I mean.

If I mentioned the word, "flashers" what comes to mind? Is it a man in a seedy raincoat opening it to reveal his genitals to innocent passers by? Stop and think about it. Now, is that image accurate?

According to statistics, it is an accurate assessment of the way flashing operates. It is something men do. However in fact, more women than men "flash" in public, but our attitudes towards men and women flashing their genitals is different. When women do it, we tend to view it as a bit of harmless fun. When men do it, it is seen as threatening and dangerous. An aggressive and nasty act. As a consequence, though more females than males flash, more males than females are arrested for it. Therefore, the statistics give an unrealistic view of the problem. However, those statistics have been repeated so often, they colour our thoughts and lead us to believe something that is not true, irrespective of the rights and wrongs of the act itself.

Now consider this: How many female paedophiles are there? We simply do not know because so few experts study them. We know they exist, but the perception that it is a "male crime" is so pervasive, the role women play in this heinous crime is hardly ever investigated. This of course, allows female offenders to hide and get away with it and it colours the statistics yet again.

Why is it that we think this way? I suggest it is because our thinking is shaped by female attitudes towards these matters.

Because women are not threatened by other women flashing, we largely ignore the problem. Men do not feel threatened by female sexuality expressed in public, so they do not react to it in a negative way. However, if women were threatened by females flashing, action would be taken to condemn it. This suggests that men are guided by what women like or dislike and this colours male attitudes, actions and law making. We are far more ready to criminalise male sexuality than female sexuality, because females determine our thinking on the issue. (Queen Victoria refused to believe that lesbians existed, so only males were prosecuted for homosexual behaviour, for example).

Now, if this true it is dynamite!

It means that all those messages we have been bombarded with for years about how powerless women are, need to be re-examined. It is fascinating to challenge these perceptions and see where it leads. It is also astounding that so few professionals are willing to do so.

Some years ago I witnessed a fascinating series of events. A women I was with would be aggressive and nasty whenever she had her period. During that week I would be hit, insulted and spat at, on a regular basis and once the week was past, I would receive apologies and expressions of deep regret. Like all men, I had been conditioned to accept such conduct on the grounds that her hormones were out of balance and she, "could not help her behaviour." Then something happened that made me change my views about this phenomena entirely.

She was having her period and, as usual, was full of hate and violence. I was the scum of the earth and the sole source of all her problems. Nothing I did or said was right. I endured it all because I loved her and I kept in mind that this would pass when the week was over. Exactly as I had been taught to think by other women and various "experts."

One day, in the middle of another violent rant the doorbell rang. She went to answer it and it was her sister. Incredibly, her mood changed instantly and she became her "normal" self again with her sister. Her attitude towards me did not change but, when talking to her sister, she was a perfectly normal women again. Laughing, joking, chatting and discussing things in a normal tone of voice. It was when she spoke to me that her tone changed and became aggressive and nasty. I retreated to the kitchen and listened to them chatting away with incredulity.

It occurred to me that maybe it was only men she hated when she was on her period. I decided to test this to see if that were true. I called my friend Paul on my mobile and asked him to come round for a chat. He came straight away. I made certain that I was "having a bath" when he came but in fact, I was just standing in the bathroom. My partner let him in and he sat in the living room chatting.

I crept downstairs and listened to the conversation. It was perfectly normal. No nasty comments, no aggression. Because I knew my partner well and her capacity for denial and twisting things around, I recorded her chat on my mini tape recorder. Then, placing the recorder in my pocket, still switched on; I entered the room on the pretext of looking for a clean pair of socks from the washing stacked on a chair. She was instantly aggressive. Within moments she began putting me down and calling me insulting names. With apologies to Paul, I went for a bath to give me time to think. I realised that my partner was using her period as an excuse for her aggression. An excuse handed to her by "experts" and other women, that allows females to hold misandrist (man hating) views and carry out violent behaviour without being held responsible.

Later, when I challenged her behaviour, the usual denials and counter attacks happened and she accused me of imagining it all and being, "paranoid." She told me that I was a typically stupid man just wanting to put her down and control her. There was lots of slamming of cupboard doors and the slamming down of cups. However, when I played her the tape, her denials became transparent and, although her aggression did not go away, she was shocked by what she heard and stormed out of the house. Later, she slammed me for "spying" on her but that is a whole different story. However, I have since seen the same thing happen again and again with other women and their men. Once our eyes are opened, it is amazing how we notice things we have not seen before.

My final example is another good illustration of this kind of ingrained thinking.

When you think of domestic abuse, what happens in your mind? Do you see a picture in your head of an out of control male bending over a cowering women and maybe a couple of kids screaming in the back ground? Was it something like that which came to mind?

Here are some statistics to ponder from a recent study carried out by a Glasgow university. 6,500 women were question from 36 universities for an international study. 60% said they thought hitting a man was "acceptable." 35% admitting assaulting their partner. 8% admitted injuring their partner and causing broken bones and bruising. Among European students, only English women were more likely to have carried out assaults, with 41% admitting they had kicked or punched their partners. Worldwide, more than 4,800 females approved of assaulting their partners and 2000 admitted to assaulting them. * This study is by no means unique. The governments own study into domestic abuse carried out in 1996 showed 3.3 million men suffer abuse in this country every year.

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These kind of studies almost always trigger a range of preconceived ideas in those that read or hear them.

"Women can't hit as hard as men."

Women are more likely to use a weapon and in any case, it is not the strength of the punch but the frequency of them that produces fear in the victim.

"Women are smaller than men and so they cannot do as much damage."

Dogs are smaller than most people yet they do a lot of damage when they are angry!

When a man is faced with an out of control female, all of his conditioning steps in to prevent him from fighting back. In his mind, he will hear that it is wrong to hit a woman. He will know that if he restrains her and leaves a bruise anywhere on her, he could be charged with abusing her. If he has children and leaves the home, he will know that his chances of getting custody of the children are remote. If he is unmarried and he leaves, he will be charged with kidnapping if he takes the kids with him. If he stays he can protect the kids. His own conditioning will also tell him that to admit being hit by a women is somehow to diminish his own manhood; so he is likely to deny it happens to anyone who asks or, to blame himself. Like many female victims, he may still love her despite her violence. He knows he will face ridicule if her violence against him is made public. People laugh at female violence and think it is funny and "harmless."

"When a woman hits a man he deserves it and must have done something to trigger her off."

I will not dignify that with a comment!

Society tolerates a female changing locks on the door and throwing a mans possessions onto the lawn so, leaving the house could result in him losing the house and almost everything he owns. In short, the man is tied by traditional thinking and unfair societal expectations and female abusers know it! Yet, despite these things being commonly understood by the government, police and other "experts" in the field, almost nothing is done to help male abuse victims when they are discovered and the man is still more likely to be the one evicted by the police, even when he is clearly the victim.

Why is this the case? Because our thinking on domestic abuse has been female led and, it seems, only their perceptions count.

As someone once said, "If men have all the power, how come women make all the rules?"