Allowances

I'm the first to admit that I fumble my way through parenting just as much, or maybe even more than the next mother. I've often undermined not just my husband's, but my own authority, misplacing all sense of self-respect. Sometimes it's just easier to give in to a child's demands than stand firm. It is so difficult to be fair and understanding and not to allow my body's fatigue to show itself through my actions, especially when all I want to do is yell and send them to their rooms.

Go to the parenting section of any bookstore, and if you're like me, you'll be overwhelmed by the selections. How do you know who's right, who shares your principles? If you ask me, I'd rather read novels than any self-help book; I learn more from them and I'm entertained in the process. I'm not suggesting that I haven't read anything on parenting or that you shouldn't (check out my list of recommendations at the bottom), but, as my husband says, it's mostly common sense. You don't need a degree in that, do you? No, but apparently you do need to know where you stand and where you want to go. You need to be informed accordingly. For example: at this point in my role as a mother, I believe my son needs to be taught how to think rather than what to think, and all of us need daily reminders on how to handle our emotions properly.

I like to think of myself as an intelligent woman, wife and mother. Please. I hold the door open to all the ideas out there, and then pick and choose those that best apply to me. I even write down what I consider relevant. That way when I need something to refer to, I have it close at hand. Looking through my years of note taking, some from self-help, some from novels, all related to parenting, I realize that I can probably put an entire book together, with all the info obtained. Something fitted to my family, my children.

I'll grant that compassion, peace, patience, forgiveness, self confidence, honesty, and discipline are all easier to teach to the little ones than to learn. But, and this is nothing new, consistency is key. What everyone says is true: successful parenting takes a ton of work and a major dose of humor. Of course, it helps that my husband and I are united. We've learned this the hard way, early on. I still lose it from time to time, and am anything but peaceful, patient or self-controlled. (Yes, in my case self-parenting is necessary.) But I consider my limitations and hope for a better outcome tomorrow.

Kids Are Worth It! Barbara Coloroso

The Read-Aloud Handbook: Fifth Edition Jim Trelease

Parenting with Love and Logic Foster Cline M.D. and Jim Fay

How to Negotiate with Kids... even when you think you shouldn't Scott Brown

Real Boys William Pollack, Ph.D.

Raising Cain Dan Kindlon, Ph.D. and Michael Thompson, Ph.D.

The Prodigal Son St. Luke 15:11-32