Allowing Toddlers to Self-Regulate Their Diet

One idea about healthy parenting that I have always had trouble with is that toddlers will balance their own diet over the span of a week, if healthy food is made available to them. There are days when it seems impossible that my 22-month old can survive on the bits and pieces he nibbles on through the day. However, I am loathe to force him to eat because I have "food issues" myself and do not want to pass those along to my children.

This month I have been watching my youngest son's eating habits, in order to reassure myself that he is indeed getting enough nourishment of the right kind. I was really surprised to find that yes, he does balance his own diet with very little help from me. One day he might eat very little aside from his thrice-daily few ounces of breast milk. Some whole-wheat bread, a piece of cheese, a few slices of orange...

Other days though, he goes hog wild: whole-wheat/oat/raisin muffins in the morning, yogurt, carrot sticks, cheese slices, peanut-butter and jelly sandwich, half of my beans/rice burrito with salsa, milk, fruit juice, apple slices, and two helpings of lentils and vegetables for supper at the end of the day. He often surprises me by eating something he normally refuses, or eating larger amounts than seems physically possible occasionally.

I have found that if I can keep my "issues" in check and let him be the main influence in the decision to eat or not eat, he does a pretty good job. There are a few limits I have set up, because I am the mom and sometimes I just do know better than him.

1. I don't even make available junk food or sweet snacks. If I don't want him to eat it, I don't even bother buying it. If it's bad for him, it's bad for the rest of us.
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3. I do put limits on certain things. He may think he needs 5 pieces of whole wheat bread 10 minutes before supper, but I know he doesn't
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5. I put limits on snacking before mealtimes, so that he at least has the opportunity to feel hungry and try the supper I present.
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7. I do have him sit with us for regular mealtimes. Whether he eats or not, it is important for him to get into the rhythm of family life and family meals.
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9. I am gradually introducing him to new foods, and occasionally require him to *try* an item, just one bite.

With this combination of his natural appetite and the few reasonable boundaries I have set up, he is a healthy, well-nourished, well-proportioned toddler. He does indeed get sufficient amounts of grains, protien, fruits and vegetables, over a span of several days to a week. How wonderful to find out that food does not have to be a battle of wills. There are enough of those in the toddler years already. And as he is my third child, when I worry on days that he's not eating much, I only have to look at my older two children. Although they have all the normal interest in ice-cream and chips, they do not demand them, have the ability to control their consumption of such things, and are perfectly willing to eat legumes, all kinds of fruit, vegetables, and the crust of their sandwiches. As with everything else, moderation is the key. I am not enslaved to my children's appetites, but they are not slaves to arbitrary parental food regulations. Working with their bodies natural inclinations and making healthy foods available to them has produced very healthy children who have a healthy relationship to food.