Almost 30

So, I am almost 30. I will be 30 years old in September. So many people have this list of things to do before they turn 30. Go skydiving, bungee jumping, travel out of the country....things like that. I have done none of those things. I guess they were desirable to me a long time ago. I would have loved to travel, have a real vacation alone and go to a spa, eat chocolate and drink fine wines. I would have loved to write a book, go to college, have a long career and settle down, in that order! I wanted to have a picture perfect wedding with the long white dress and expensive reception and honeymoon.

But, instead, I had a baby when I was 19 and all alone. I met Mr. Perfect when I was 18! We were friends for 2 years, dated for another 2 before we moved in together, and then married 2 years after that. He was sick and passed away on his favorite day, the 13th.Then I met another Mr Perfect. Who would have thought you could get this lucky? Two real loves in one lifetime. WOW, this was rare!

After another baby and watching her fight for her life in Westchester Medical Center TWO times, I finally come home to peace and quiet!

So, I am going to be 30. I have a 10 year old daughter, she will be exactly 1/3 my age. I have a toddler. I am a widow. I have no father, he passed away when I was 14. I have been against all odds more times than I can count, and fought and won every time. I am a survivor. I am a mother.

I never did anything especially exciting like skydiving. I never got that picture perfect wedding. I didn't get to grow old with my first love, my dad never got to hold my babies. BUT, I got to witness the miracle of life and feel it grow inside of me twice. I got to hold my first real love in my arms when he drifted off to Heaven. I got to give strength to a baby that was fighting to come home healthy. I got to learn that it is the marraige that counts, the wedding is nothing in comparison. I learned that City Hall is just as perfect as any other place, that a cake baked by my young nephew tasted better than any other professional 5 tiered cake could. I got to learn that family is the most important thing, and that if they can not love you unconditionally, in good times and bad, they are not your real family. Blood does not always equal loyalty, love, respect, and peace.

I learned that I am important and valuable as I am. That being a mother, wife, girlfriend, daughter, aunt, cousin, neice, sister, writer, lover, and thinker is ok. That you do not need a title, an important career, or an unblemished face to be content in your own world. I learned that happiness is not what I crave to attain, I want to be content, cozy, and gratefully humble. I believe I am all of the things I strive to be at this very moment, and that makes this moment perfect.

I am almost 30 and I have left my mark on this world. I am almost 30 and I have reached goals that others that live to be 90 NEVER WILL. Because I am wise, because I am forgiving, because I am smart and because I am faithful.I welcome my 30th birthday, and it will be awesome! Before I turn 40 I only have one thing on my list. Stay content and be realistically optimistic.

30, here I come!