Almost Free

It was Christmas in February. The company was in a budget lockdown and I had been comped a $6,000 software package by a vendor. Planned expenses for the year were being slashed or eliminated and corporate had begun a N.O. (Necessities Only) campaign. I stood tall in my cube and showed the vermillion box to my supervisor over the cushioned panels.

"It's free" was all I said.

She was a gracious woman and did not even infer that I should share my prize. Shannon reminded me of St. Peter - loud sometimes colorful language and a heart like Jesus. I walked around to her cube and told her that others on the team had a greater need for the applications than I did. She passively agreed and we decided to split the bundle.

The package consisted of 18 programs on 23 discs, and 2 of my teammates would each get one of the applications. The remaining 16 would be loaded onto my laptop. The only outstanding issue was whether or not the programs could be activated individually, or if the bundle had to stay together in one chunk. I made a quick call to Tech Support.

"Hello!"

"Hi."

"I have a software bundle and need to break out programs - can this be done?"

"Not likely."

"They all have to go on one machine?"

"Yes. When we install we can't break up the licenses."

So much for Solomon. Still riding on a wave of benevolence, though, I took matters into my own hands, heading to the cube of my first beneficiary. Sadie was younger by corporate standards and the product of a Utah upbringing and marriage to a Palestinian. She had uncommon insight into Mormon culture and a more equivocal view of the Middle East conflict than most of my peers. Overall she was extremely bright with a thoughtfulness of speech that was beyond her years.

"Happy day!" I greeted her.

"What's up?"

"I'm going to install your software."

"Awesome."

Sadie had admin privileges so we could do an install without IT. We began the process and it was slow but proceeded without a hitch. As we watched the install status bar move like the sun across the sky, conversation drifted toward literature. We were, after all, two ex-English majors.

"I like science fiction but I don't like fantasy," Sadie opined.

"Hmm."

"Actually my favorite is science fiction that contains a little bit of fantasy, but I can't get into all fantasy, unless it's pure fantasy."

Sadie let out a little laugh.

"I loved Lord of the Rings," she continued. "Never finished the second book, but I loved the story."

"That's my favorite!" I said. "I didn't sleep for two weeks when I read those books."

Several books and awkward silences later, the install was complete. The only sign of trouble came when we tried the online activation. Apparently the company firewall prevented contact with the vendor's server.

"I'll have IT activate it," said Sadie, and I left the final step in her hands.

I decided to wait until the first installation was complete before taking any further action. I updated my supervisor Shannon on the progress and she was visibly pleased.

Before the day was out, however, I received an e-mail from Sadie stating that IT had refused to activate the software because it was not company property. I immediately headed for her cube.

"I have a packing slip!"

"It doesn't matter, they will only activate software that has been officially logged into their system. The IT manager has been contacted, so don't worry. She'll give me a call."

I said fine but was internally irritated. How can a company promote N.O. and balk at free software?

When I returned to work the next morning things had escalated slightly. Shannon had left me a brief e-mail:

"Fax packing slip to Megan."

Megan was the IT manager, so I quickly surmised that (a) the activation request had not gone over well, and (b) my supervisor had been pulled into the fray.

The packing slip was folded over twice in the brick-like box, so I needed to make a copy in order to fax. Some of the numbers were faded in creases and I was becoming paranoid of something else going wrong.

The fax went out and things were quiet for the next two days. My fears subsided and I figured the best approach was to patient with the system.

"Copy the hell out of everything and interoffice the whole package to purchasing."

The next missive from Shannon was verbal over the cube wall. Purchasing had been made aware that IT was logging our software bundle and they were not pleased. They needed to physically receive the software package in order for it to be recognized as company property. Shannon was lightly reprimanded for not following the correct acquisition procedures. All purchases were treated equally, free or not.

Not wanting to add to the delays, I immediately called purchasing.

"It's about the size of a large Kleenex box and quite heavy. Maybe I should drive it over personally."

"No, don't worry. We get things like that all the time in the interoffice envelopes."

I spent about 15 minutes at the copy machine, laying out the 4 manuals, the 3 books of discs, the 23 discs themselves, and the box. I then went to our admin for an envelope. She handed me a specimen with crumpled texture, a dog-eared flap, and several small tears. It could barely hold a legal folder so I asked for advice on how to ship the box.

"Just wrap it around the box with tape and rubber bands - that's what I did at my old job."

First I taped the box closed as the insides were already beginning to slide out. I wrote in the destination at the end of a long list of crossed out addresses, then went on a futile search for rubber bands, visiting all friendly cubes in the area. Wanting to be done with the whole operation, I headed off for the mailroom.

As I neared the mailroom, I passed the "mailroom guy" walking in the opposite direction with his coat and backpack on. Having given him a cupcake earlier in the day from my son's birthday, I figured I had earned a favor.

"Do you have rubber bands out?" I said before he was out of sight.

He immediately stopped and was indeed eager to give me a helping hand. We both made our way back to the mailroom and he pointed out a large bin of rubber bands. The width of the envelope exceeded the height of the box, so I could not get a clean fit. The whole contraption seemed heavy and flimsy, but I left it in his capable hands. He shuffled through his keys and opened the Dutch door, then disappeared inside with the software.