Alone

I lay alone in the darkness, listening to the night sounds. The blanket in which I'm wrapped chafes, but serves its purpose. I never dreamed I'd end up like this. I used to have lots of friends and family who loved me. Not anymore. I am alone now.

I can't blame them for not coming to visit. I live in my own little world. At least that's what my father told my mother the last time they came to see me. I protested, but of course, it did no good. Sometimes I feel like screaming, "I'm right here, people! Hear me! See me! Listen to me!"

I feel like I'm in a coffin with the sides slowly caving in. Sometimes it's suffocating and I can't breathe. It happens most often when I try to make myself heard, but people don't understand. At those times, instead of feeling like I'm inside a coffin, I feel like I'm underneath it, with the whole weight of the thing sitting on my chest, crushing me.

The specialists told my parents I'm a shell of a person now. They said they couldn't tell I'm trying to connect with anyone at all anymore. This made my mother cry. I tried to tell her they were wrong.

I'm not a shell. I want to connect. I would kill for someone to give me a hug! For someone to wrap their arms around me and tell me everything was going to be ok. And make me believe it.

I would give anything to be able to go back. To change things. I sure wouldn't go to the bar with Tom. My father said they arrested him. He said the video at the bar clearly showed Tom put the knockout drug in my drink. He wanted me unconscious. He certainly got his wish. He turned the key in the door of fate for both of us that night. He locked himself in a prison cell and me in my own mind.

I can't change the past, and the future, well who knows what is going to happen in the future. I have enough trouble dealing with right now.

I hear Margarita coming to check on me. To make sure everything is ok. Maybe, if I concentrate hard enough, she will hear me this time when I tell her thank you.