Alone in the World?

Have you even felt so alone in the world? You could be standing in a room full of people, but you feel as if you are in an empty room and nobody cared. This is the feeling that I often get no matter where I am at. At this moment in time, I am sitting in my dorm room with my roommate. Even though she is here, I feel as if I do not exist to her. I am just a mere object that you can talk to every so often and maybe go out to a party with, but nothing more.

Yes, we do go out to parties together, but almost a second into it, I am deserted to stand alone. I look around the room and I do not know anybody at that party. Do they even see me? I get knocked into at these parties, and no one even acknowledges it. Am I such a wall flower, standing in the middle of the room that nobody notices me at all? This is how I often feel at these events. I don't belong, but I go anyway in hopes of not having that horrible emptiness that follows me. It's so haunting.

I am so scared that I am going to end up alone in the world, that I can never seem to shake the feeling. I have gone to seek out help for this. Even though the treatment has helped me somewhat, there is always that emptiness. Do I have trust issues that don't let me get close to people that's causing me to feel so distant? Is it the taunting and teasing that I faced all the way back in middle school that still sits in the back of my mind, afraid that I may have to face that torture again? Really, I do not know. I have been trying to figure it out for years, but it is a hard question to answer. How do you begin to exam what causes you so much pain as to feel alone in a world full of people?

Do you ever feel that someone is secretively talking about you behind their backs? That they pretend to be your friend to your face, but then turn around and talk bad on you. Trust. That is a hard thing to find today in the world of the Internet and cell phones that can instantly transmit anything that comes to mind. I have found out "friends" who have talked shit behind my back. I am almost positive that this has happened to everyone at least once, if not more. But, why does this affect some people more than others? I take these words to heart. They hurt me so much, that I try to figure out ways to make these people like me.
People are always saying, "they are just words, get over it". How? How exactly do I get over something like that? You think that these people are your friends and then they go and "stab you in the back". "You shouldn't take these things seriously?" Who are you to tell me I shouldn't take it seriously?

Why do we let people get so underneath our skin that we feel as if we are alone? That is such a hard question to be answered, and thus may never be. It all depends on that specific person and what they have gone through in their life. I don't anyone should ever underestimate the power of words. They can dig into someones soul so much that it can destroy them.

This is why we need support. We need friends who love us for who we are. Who we know will not turn their back on us the second we walk out of the room. Someone who will not let you stand alone at a party, and will stand up for you when that jerk hits into you and doesn't apologize. These friends cannot be hard to find, but sometimes they are.

For now, find something that truly makes you happy. Eventually somebody amazing will come into your life and make a great friend. It might be hard, but don't let it beat you.