Alright, It's POTTY Time!

Alright. There are so many opinions, and so many expert opinions on this subject, it can get awfully confusing. You have those that claim you can toilet train a 9 month old in a day, and those that say never ever force it or your kid will be a nut job for sure. I don't claim to be an expert-- I'm just here to give a few encouraging words to those who think they're gonna lose it soon.

First there are so many weird aspects to potty training, that make the whole concept seem, while necessary yes, a little absurd. One day you take little Jimmy in and introduce him to the potty. "Now Jimmy, I understand you've spent your whole life doing your business right there in your drawers but now I want you to put your bottom of this monstrous hole and let loose here." This has got to totally shock a kid! Imagine if someone suddenly said to YOU "hey no more toilet business, from now on you just do your business right there in your pants, mister." Well you'd be a little reluctant and freaked out too.

Then there's the whole HOW to teach it aspect. Do you pretend to use the potty? Do you actually demonstrate for them? That opens up a whole NEW series of questions about nudity! My husband is fine teaching his nephew how to pee on a tree by demonstration but ask him to give the same demonstration to his niece and he's suddenly vanished. Do you bribe them with marshmallows and m&ms to pee? That seems like a weird concept, seeing how your boss/spouse/best friend isn't going to pass you a treat from the stall next door when your 25. Do you sing a silly potty song to get their spirits up? Are you willing to sing that same song in a crowded Target bathroom after a full day of shopping?

When your little one holds on to the door frame screaming like you're trying to drag him to his death instead of the potty despite your pleas bribes and threats, don't feel bad. Don't feel like a bad parent. It's not just you. I promise. Take heart. When potty training my niece, now 3, I would ask the room in general "whoooo haas to pootttyyyy...." in a sing song Barney-esque tone. Her answer was to immediately drop whatever she was doing and hide behind the couch. I'd follow her around begging her to "just try." No luck. Then I figured if I could just get her in there and on the potty she'd see it wasn't so bad after all. So I scooped her up with no warning and hauled butt to the bathroom. As soon as we reached the door, she reached up, cupped my face in her hands, with big ol crocodile tears in her eyes and said "Why, mommy? Why?" with all the seriousness of an innocent person about to be put to death for a crime they didn't commit. I won't tell you my response to that, its too embarrassing.

Whether your child's tactics are screaming, fighting, hiding, or crying-- or even purposefully stopping up the toilet with just about everything from toilet paper to socks, just know that its all normal. Its all okay. I promise you they will not march off to kindergarten in a diaper. The time will come. And to the parents who proudly proclaim they had their kid trained completely in anything less than two weeks... what do ya want, a cookie?