Alternative Families in America: A Bisexual Mom's PoV

I'm also openly Bisexual, and they are fully aware of it. I Came Out to them gradually, explaining things as their age and maturity level dictated.

My youngest, Steele, was only 2 when we moved to Florida to be with my girlfriend, Diva. He never had the concept of Mommy with a "boyfriend". He was too young to be concerned with gender relations or Mommy's sexuality. It was perfectly natural that he had two Mommies.

Later we added a live-in boyfriend, Gryffin. He accepted that as well, and decided that Gryffin was his Daddy when he was 4 years old. We recently added Ray, and he's as accepted in the "Tribe" as Gryffin.

When Steele asks questions about the structure of his family, we answer them in terms he can understand. He's a sharp little guy, so it only takes once or twice to satisfy him.

This was far from my mind when I took Steele to the doctor to get the results of an allergy test. We arrived at the doctor early, and he was already assured he would not be getting a shot that day. His caution was warranted. The last visit was when they took the blood for the allergy screen.
Steele had 2 Hot Wheels in his pocket, so I was reasonably sure he would be occupied while I went to sign him in.

Imagine my surprise when I hear his tiny voice:

"Hi."

He was speaking to a lady who was waiting with 2 children of her own. Apparently she wasn't aware he was speaking to her, because he said, "'Scuse me. Hi."

"Hi," she replied.

"I have 2 moms," Steele said.

I've never seen a human being's eyes and mouth go so wide.

Very matter-of-factly, Steele went on to tell her about his 2 brothers, 2 sisters, his Daddy, the two dogs, and the 3 cats. Diva & Gryffin have a daughter, and Steele considers her his sister. He actually asked for a baby sister for Christmas. At the time, Diva and Gryff were indeed working on conceiving.

After about five minutes of chatter, Steele fell silent.

"Are you done telling her your life story?" I asked.

"Yep."

"Ok. Play with your cars."

"OK."

Completely oblivious to the bombshell he so innocently dropped, my son sat down to play with his cars.

I looked at the other mother and said," I've just been Outed to a total stranger by my 5 year old."

I've never been In the Closet, really. Balancing parenting with an alternate lifestyle involves finesse and a good dose of straight up honesty.

Kids trust their parents to tell them the truth. Some parents will tell the "truth", but not be honest. Honesty is unvarnished, bold faced and unafraid of censure. When it comes to my choices, I work very hard to be honest with my kids.

Thanks to Diva's presence in their lives, they've been introduced to classic movies, classical music, opera, sewing, and the art of winning auctions on EBay.
They've learned how to fry eggs & chicken, bake cakes, muffins, and bread; they know how to make curtains, candy, egg rolls and donut holes.

My 9 year old son has his very own cookbook with recipes from Diva's family cookbook.

Working for Diva's parents, my daughter earned enough money to buy herself a new dresser, and earned a cell phone over the summer.
My eldest son has become a gaming guru and an expert on animal care.

We've had the conversation with them, explaining the fact that they live in an unusual home. Even Steele understands not every little boy has 2 moms. My kids are proud of their family, and suffer no shame when their friends ask about it.

I mention all of this to make a point, of course.

There is a long-held doctrine that says children raised in a "gay" household are more likely to have self-esteem issues. That doctrine also states that these kids suffer gender confusion, promiscuity, and behavior problems. The most detrimental effect, however, is the higher possibility of the child being gay or bisexual, mirroring his/her parents.

These claims are mostly based on society's general set of overall morals and values. The alternate lifestyles are considered immoral and lacking all the way around. I believe the incidence of mistreatment of children has nothing to do with the orientation of their parents. Every single one of society's pigeon-hole "groups" contains three sections: The poor examples, the average example, and the excellent example.

Despite the fact that numerous studies wholly contradict these narrow views, the onus remains for families like mine. My daughter was challenged by a boy in elementary school. He called her a "dyke". Because I'd already held several conversations with her about this sort of thing, she was unaffected.

"Thank you. Now spell it," she shot back.
He couldn't.

My daughter is not gay, of course. She's not worried about that kind of thing. Her biggest concern is what to wear to school, which shoes go with her outfit and whether or not she'll be called on to handle the baby while Diva runs errands.

All in all, my kids are aware of their unusual niche in the world. I'm please and proud of them in everything they do. Their pride in me is humbling and I cherish their trust.

Being Out to your kids is much easier if you tell them the truth, and polish it off with honesty. I'm not saying necking with your same-sex partner in front of them is the way to go, of course. Depending on their age, you can slowly reveal your orientation to them over time, giving them to chance to digest the information and integrate it with their image of You, the parent.

We don't teach the kids to "be gay" or any nonsense like that. One of the most ignorant assumptions by strait-laced America is that all gays, lesbians, and bisexuals are an aberration. Some even put us in the same category with pedophiles and rapists. Coincidentally, some of the most outspoken groups against alternately oriented folk claim to be Christians.

What we do teach our kids is love. Gender, color, nationality, disability, distance, religion, society's censure, and governmental busy-bodying don't matter. They are taught to comprehend their own uniqueness, and to accept the same in others. They are being raised with honesty and love, to be rounded, worldly, and compassionate people.

Hand in hand with all that, of course, they are taught that society as a whole may ostracize and persecute them if they're "too" different. Individually, people are open-minded and accepting, for the most part. When melded into a group mind, however, conflicts can arise on the very basic levels, where societal opinion and rhetoric really have no place.

Diva and I embrace our oddities, and so far, so do the kids.

Ben is a gamer who loves Artemis Fowl, Harry Potter, and Animorphs.

Fanya likes butterflies, videos, and symphony. She's molding herself into a truly Millenial Miss Thang, without too much makeup, with all the Tween angst.

Kris is ADHD and in the Gifted program at school. He loves Legos, MegaBlocks and winning items on Ebay.

Steele has a speech impairment. He likes rubber ducks, overalls, Dora The Explorer, Blue's Clues, board games and Disney movies. He also likes to watch the news with me.

Everyone except Kris has their ears pierced and the two eldest have already expressed interest in tattoos. I also have multiple piercings and tattoos.

We are what the world is evolving into: Families who raise broad-thinking, fearless children. Societally Alternate families are not much different from "traditional" families. We simply decided not to live within The Box.