Alternatives to Divorce in Spender-Saver Marriages

While it's a romantic notion to think that love conquers all, apparently that's just not true when it comes down to it. Money is one of the leading causes of divorce today, and if your marriage doesn't end over finances, it's likely that money issues will be the main source of disagreement for the two of you. Financial gurus advise creating a budget together before the marriage even begins, which would work fine if you both agreed on exactly what needs to go where. However, most marriages consist of a "spender" and a "saver." When one of you wants to save for a new house, the other wants to spend the extra cash that month on entertainment. While one of you foresees future educational expenses for the children, the other sees the "need" for extravagant new toys for them right now. It's a constant battle, and budgeting together, or even talking about money together, is often almost impossible within a marriage between a spender and a saver. However, there are less traditional methods of preventing financial ruin (not to mention divorce) that won't necessarily mean making drastic changes for either of you. Consider using the following tips to make your next financial with your spouse less of a battle, and more of a breakthrough.

First, it is absolutely essential within spender-saver marriages to have two incomes coming in. While one of you might not be able to work full time, you both must have some control over something that is there solely due to your efforts. This often presents a problem for stay at home parents, but working from home is an available option. Even if the second income is minimal, the both of you will find that evening the money making score a bit will relieve a great deal of pressure. If you both bare a bit of responsibility, the blame on family financial blunders will be less likely to fall on one person's shoulders every time. Finger pointing, which is always destructive, will become much less frequent.

Next, base bill paying on percentages of those two incomes. In other words, whoever makes more, pays more. You should both be paying the same percentage of your income toward the household bills, rather than splitting the bills right down the middle like roommates. Why? Because you aren't roommates, you're married. One person may make more money, but it's highly likely that the one making less is contributing more around the home. You cannot place a price value on domestic duties, and one's worth in the marriage should not be determined by their paycheck. As long as both are contributing as much as they can, percentage based bill paying should be used.

But what about paying for bills that the two of you didn't agree to together? In other words, should the saver have to pay for that new car that the spender went out and bought without much thought? Well, that's up to the two of you, but you may wish to implement a "you buy it, you pay for it" policy. This will restrict the frivolous spending and cause the more extravagant partner to realize that he/she will be responsible for paying for "extras" on his/her own. If he/she is fine with that and still manages to pay their percentage of the bills, leave it at that. It's not perfection, but it will work.

What many savers fear in their marriages with spenders is not having any set aside savings for emergencies and large future expenses. They want the security that comes with having a large down payment for a home, being able to pay for good health insurance, and having a comfortable retirement nest egg as soon as possible in case one spouse's health deteriorates earlier in life than expected. While spenders want these things too, they usually don't feel the urgent need for preparing for them that savers do. This alone is enough to cause a tremendous problem for the marriage, often leading to divorce. However, most savers can ease their fears by simply taking out their own savings accounts. What many of you are thinking is that having a savings account won't work because your spouse will constantly dip into it, but the truth is, your spending spouse doesn't have to know about it. Dishonest, yes, but saving in secret is no worse that your spouse spending without your approval. If it's for the good of the two of you, there's nothing wrong with it. That is, unless you use it against your spouse. Keep your reasons for saving beneficial for the two of you, and take it upon yourself, if you must, to be ready in case of an emergency.

Next, ask your spouse about creating a family savings account. The two of you can decide upon a percentage of your incomes that should go in each month, and agree to increase that percentage when possible. Even if you must start out by only putting 5% of your income into that account, start immediately. The argument from the spending spouse is likely to be that there is no extra cash each month (and there probably isn't after he/she is done spending it all), most couples can afford to at least put 5% away. Any financial professional reading this would scoff at a 5% savings plan, but a saver who is married to a spender will tell you that 5% is a lot more than 0%. Anything is better than nothing. Also, that family savings account will be hit first during emergencies, meaning that the saver will be much less likely to have to dip into their "secret" savings. With your family savings account, you can kill two birds with one stone.

Finally, place bill due dates on a large calendar in a very public place, such as on the refrigerator. Create a color coding system where each bill is marked in black, and once the bill is late it is underlined or highlighted with a red marker. Sometimes spenders are simply a bit forgetful when it comes to paying the bills on time, and a public reminder of what needs to be paid for in the near future is often all it takes to hinder excess spending.

Remember, marriages between spenders and savers take place every day, and every day people are making them work. Neither of you must agree to completely changing your ways, but there must be a middle ground. Rather than focusing on making your spouse agree with your views on money, concentrate on creating a balance between the two extremes. If you can both agree to at least work together on that, your marriage will be much more likely to stand the test of time.