Alternatives to Spanking

Wasn't it once said "This is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you." So taking that into consideration, what are alternatives to spanking? Many parenting magazines, books and article provide different techniques and ideas to helping us stay "spanking free", but what I feel it all boils down to is understanding and communication. Even at an early age a child can understand right from wrong. These little people know more than we give them credit for. What a child needs to understand though, is that their actions effect other people. Once this is understood, they will have a higher conscience of their actions and how they effect their environment.

As a parent, we need to understand that outburst or acts of defiance are usually a child's way of getting frustration out. No, it doesn't make it anymore acceptable, but a child can disobey a parent because they are really striving for attention. To grant this child attention is showing the child they have to "act out" in order to retrieve our undivided focus on them. How many times have we, as adults, started a disagreement with our spouse or partner about petty issues when it's really something else that's bothering us?

To find the root of the frustration isn't always easy, but our actions speak louder then words. To deny a child a privilege or send them to a time out with the over rated "Go think about what you did." often shuts down the child. A child often times doesn't plan to be disobedient. Some of their actions surprise even them because they are not fully aware of how it will effect or hurt others.

Take for example this boy that played at our house one summer while his mother worked. He was young around 7 or 8. His mother called and said she'd be working late, so he would remain at our house till 7:00pm. When relaying this message, the boy became mad, picked up a toy truck and threw it across the room. The truck struck another little girl in the head and she started bleeding. She starts crying and he ran into the other room. Got the bleeding to stop and her all cleaned up then approached this young man. I did not yell, I didn't do the "Look what you did!", "How could you do that!" or "You go tell her you're sorry!". I just went up to him, got eye to eye level and asked. "What's got you so mad that you threw that toy?" He was shocked. It took some more prompting, but he finally said that he missed his mom. He felt bad about the toy hitting the girl and he did try to make amends. He felt remorse. He didn't intend to hit anyone with the toy and he knew it wasn't okay just because he was mad. On the same coin, I didn't want him to know that his feelings were unimportant either.

What we need to understand is a child experiences anger, frustration, saddness and loneliness just as we do. It's okay to be mad. I get mad too, but how do I deal with it? A child can be guided to redirect these emotions into something positive. One of my children would swing when they were upset. One would color a picture of that made them sad. Another would like to run or take a walk. When my mom got mad, she was a cleaning fool. Each one provided a coming down so they could communicate again. We could get to the nuts and bolts of why the acted or reacted the way they did.

This is in no way, shape or form saying a child does not need discipline. It is just simple stating that they are people too, discovering new emotions everyday. It just states that there are other ways out there to guide them through dealing with these new experiences rather than spanking. Now, once the emotion has been defused, the child not only understands the full impact of the consequences for their actions, they can also be more receptive of them.