Alternatives to Spanking Your Child and Tips on Rewarding Them

First, let me start by saying that I think spanking children is very wrong. However, I acknowledge that different people have differing opinions. Therefore, I am not going to lecture about right and wrong. Rather I am going to give a little background and a few alternative disciplinary methods to be considered as well as a few tips on rewards.

When I was a child, spanking never worked. My step dad's excuse to everything was the belt. I wasn't a rotten child or anything like that, just your average kid, exploring her world and learning her boundaries. My step brother, on the other hand, loved to lie through his teeth and cause trouble. I admit I did lie some, but nowhere near to the point of Eric. It got to the point where even I was being spanked when I had done nothing. My parents either assumed I was in league with Eric or that I was lying when I was genuinely telling the truth. For this reason, the belt made no difference to me except to cause pain, and definitely was not a source of discipline. Even if it had worked, my parents used several other methods that were effective, and I have expanded upon those things to make my own plan for disciplining my children when I have them. The thing to remember is that all children are different and some of these methods may not work with every child. Get to know your children and you will learn what is most effective for each of them.

The first alternative method of discipline is one my parents used on me, and oddly enough it was rather effective. Sometimes, when I had done something wrong, I would be made to stand in the corner with my nose at the wall until they said I could move. This was rather effective since, as a child, I had a short attention span and was eager to get on to better things. Since I didn't know when they would give the okay, I just had to stand there in anticipation. It doesn't sound like much of a punishment but believe me, it was effective. My step brother would always cheat and try to move his nose from the corner when he thought they weren't looking, but nine times out of ten they caught him and extended his time there, while I got to go free.

Another effective method is grounding. For me during my childhood, it wasn't all that effective, but I know where my parents went wrong. Their problem was that they didn't take away anything that would severely hinder my ability to have fun or anything I was really attached to. Isn't that the point of grounding? You punish the child by removing something of value or highly entertaining, leaving the child bored so that they have plenty of time to think about their actions. Also, take the item you are grounding them from out of a room they are allowed in if it is movable so that they cannot try and play with it behind your back. I did that a lot when grounded from the Nintendo. It was in the game room which I was allowed in and if they were gone or I was allowed in there to watch my step brother, on the rare occasion that I was in trouble and he wasn't, sometimes I would play behind their backs.

Another thing that can be highly effective is isolation, especially when there are other children around. When this is the case, a child often wants to play with the other children. Obviously this isn't the case for a shy child but in general it is effective. I was extremely social, and still am. Being isolated from the other children made me feel uncomfortable and I really wanted to play with them. I felt like everyone was watching me if I was in a place where they could see and like they were probably talking behind my back if I was not.

These are just a few good methods you can use to discipline your child and you can be creative in coming up with your own. However, that should be a decent start. Another thing to remember though is that discipline alone will never work, no matter what it is. A lot of the reason children do the same things over and over, and do not respond as well to punishment, is that they do not understand what they did wrong or why they were punished. That is why it is essential that when you punish your child, you do it immediately after, or as close as possible, to when they did something wrong. Also, sit down with them and ask them if they understand why what they did was wrong. If they say yes, ask them to explain and correct where necessary. If they say no, tell them so that they know in the future. Also explain why the punishment fits what they've done and make sure never to overdo it. For example, if they only stuck their tongue out at you, with no other actions that were "bad," don't ground them for a month from their beloved Nintendo WII

I would also like to make another suggestion. Children are just young people, who cannot be expected to know everything. I believe it is important to teach them how the real world works and treat them more like adults from a young age. This doesn't mean make them go get a job and pull their own weight, but rather to expose them to the way adults are treated. For example, if they are good, treat them, but not all the time and do so according to what they've done. For example, if you give them allowance of $10 and they see a starving person that they give it to, tell them how good it was and reward them accordingly. You won't want to do this regularly because they will expect it, but it's like an adult in the real world. Say they have a job, and they are always punctual, well dressed, and professional. They are the type that would get a raise. If they are frequently tardy, unkempt, and snooty, they are likely to lose their job.

As I said, rewards are important and go hand in hand with discipline. Even with adults, if we are "good" we get rewarded from time to time, but if we are "bad" we get punished in some way. This should be applied to children and explained to them in terms they understand.

With regard to rewarding, I believe in allowances, but not in the normal form of money. When I was a child, many times my mom told me we were low on money and they'd pay me next week. They have to owe me like several hundred dollars or so now in back owed allowance, which is something I will of course never see. Just in case you have this problem, pay them in something simple like popsicle sticks or something. It's cheap, easy, and works great. If you don't have money, it's no big deal. Just give them their popsicle sticks. Teach them to keep track of the popsicle sticks, and let you know if you miss a payment, then miss a couple on purpose to see if they are learning. Popsicle sticks are ideal because they are easy to keep track of and a child would be able to count them at a much younger age than money. Tell them that if they want certain things, they will have to save up a certain amount of popsicle sticks. My mom's fiancé's 12-year old boy loves Panda Express. For him I might say when he has 25 sticks or so he can go there, of course depending on how the stick system is arranged. Also when doing this, consider the punishment aspect as well. If they do something bad, take a few sticks away and call it docking pay. It can be another lesson about adulthood. Make sure to give them a regular amount of sticks, but reduce the number if they do something wrong, or raise it if they are extra good, demonstrating promotions and demotions.

As I said before, not all of these methods will work for every child or may need to be modified to work the way they are supposed to, but I hope this gives a better idea what can be done and the belt won't be the answer to every problem. I also hope all you parents have an interesting time coming up with your own creative methods of discipline and rewards.