Always a Bridesmaid: Wisdom from the Sidelines

The old saying "Always a bridesmaid, never a bride," isn't really true. Though some women feel that they're better at playing a supporting role rather than as the star, they probably won't be in that position forever.

There's a lot to be learned from being a bridesmaid. While a bride can only call it a learning experience if they plan on getting married again (let's hope they're not planning on that while they're taking their first vows), a bridesmaid can easily absorb all the information, all the tips, all the Dos and Don'ts of the whole affair. They can file this all away and when their own big day comes, they're going to have a heads up on the process. For example:

1.Never expect perfection - There is no such thing as a perfect wedding. A bride who wants this above else will be disappointed and more stressed when something goes wrong. Which it will. Instead, I've learned it's best to roll with the punches. Don't expect everything to go smoothly. Expect a few problems in the beginning, and dealing with them will be a whole lot easier when they happen.

2.Having the wedding and having the marriage are two different things - If a bride is spending more time figuring out how to make her wedding perfect rather than her relationship, there's a good chance she's getting married for the wrong reasons. The wedding is one day. The marriage is (in some cases) much longer.. If there are any doubts about the post wedding part, they need to be resolved. A bride should be looking forward to the reality of marriage to someone she loves rather than the glamour of the wedding to make her the center of attention.

3.Family members will find something to complain about - I've learned that family opinions tend to dictate how we feel about our life, and getting married is no exception. Many are going to form their opinions about your spouse, an issue that would hopefully have been tackled long before the wedding. Many will complain about the wedding itself. My favorites? Those who complain about having to wear a tux/dress/tie (and yes, I'm guilty of having done that as well). Some will find fault with the food. Others will complain about the choice of music. And there's always bound to be some talk about the venue or the time of year the wedding is held. The best thing a bride can do? Let it all pass. People will complain no matter what. The day is for the bride and groom. Not for everyone else.

4.There will be a few doubters - While the bride is on a blissful cloud nine, others are speculating as to how long the marriage will last. They might be people you work with, family, friends, or guests at the wedding you invited out of courtesy. This should not be taken personally. It's human nature to gossip and speculate, and with the high rate of divorce, it's also natural to wonder how many marriages are going to last. If one or two people are rumored to have voiced their doubts, the bride should take it as a challenge to make the marriage work.

5.There is such a thing as post-wedding doldrums - I hate to use the term depression when it comes to the 'honeymoon' phase, but some people find their moods drifting to a low point after the festivities of the wedding are over. Like any big event, when the excitement is over, there seems to be a melancholy period where life settles down. After months of planning and stress, new wives are sometimes at a loss for what they're supposed to do. Some expect to feel completely different being a 'Mrs.' When they realize that very few things in life have changed, they become unsure of how to handle it. As a bridesmaid, I realized that my importance lasts beyond the wedding. A wife needs friends and having some good ones can make the post marriage blues easier to deal with.

I realize that being in weddings doesn't necessarily make one an expert on them. It just gives them a chance to see things on the other side without making their own commitment. Keep your eyes open next time you're asked to stand up for the bride or groom. It can be a true learning experience.