Alzheimer's Disease and Others

Americans today are living longer and creating a large population of celebrated elders. This brings joy to families as more people live to see grandchildren and great-grandchildren. It also brings with it the potential for sorrows that can accompany the aging process. One of these is the onset of dementia, or illnesses of the memory and cognitive processes. The most well-known of these is Alzheimer's disease; a disease characterized by the buildup of plaques in the brain.

The Diagnostic and Statistic Manual, or DSM IV, used by the majority of American mental health professionals defines the requirements to diagnose dementia of the Alzheimer's type. Simplified, the requirements are this- the presence of memory impairment along with any one or more of the following: language disturbance, inability to perform motor activities despite intact motor function, failure to recognize things or failure of executive functioning such as planning and organizing. These deficits should cause significant impairment in social or occupational function and represent a significant decline from previous levels of function. The dementia also cannot be attributable to any other medical or mental condition.

However, the effect Alzheimer's has on the mind of an individual is just the start of the problems. Alzheimer's has an enormous effect on those associated, the family and friends of the afflicted, as well. It is important to understand what a person may experience during this crisis if one is going to support someone with a family member afflicted or possibly experience this first-hand with a loved one. There are many dynamics to what someone may experience during this type of crisis. Some of them are embarrassment, injured feelings, anger and grief.

The most common for both the afflicted and the associated is embarrassment. It begins early on in the illness and lingers in the background, possibly never going away completely. It begins with small memory lapses; something as simple as forgetting the name of something special to someone. It progresses to possibly forgetting how to say the word water when asking for more at dinner. It is just small matters at first, brushed off as "getting old" and normal. However, as they accumulate and the words become harder to find, the embarrassment grows. People begin to realize something is "wrong" with the loved one. Discomfort is felt in the public eye, as if the problem is representative of the intellectual capacity of the person they are with, and by extension, them. The embarrassment is natural in a society so caught up with appearances and is nothing to be ashamed of. However, by the time Alzheimer's is diagnosed, the embarrassment is a well trained response lingering in the background.

This is especially true for adolescents and teens dealing with the affliction of a family member. The appearance of difference or adversity in family life can seem like an insurmountable social obstacle. Grandma calling him or her the wrong name or referring to dead relatives as if they just spoke to them can be interpreted as "having a weird grandma" if the diagnosis has not been made, or is not common knowledge. It will take a while for these to get "used" to the idea that this is a major medical issue and not something to be ashamed of. Be patient.

As the illness progresses, some people may be forgotten while others are not. This can cause feelings of resentment and injured feelings, despite the fact they know it is not intentional. This is entirely normal, as long as a person can remind themselves not to take it personally. This can be hard though, especially if the illness progresses into a stage where the afflicted may be verbally aggressive or impulsive. Sometimes the insults can be quite personal and no one knows sensitive areas like family. It is extremely important at this point to maintain an emotional separation with the person in front of them. Realize that it is not them saying this, but the illness. This can also contribute to the feelings of embarrassment if this occurs in public. Some afflicted may even accuse their own children of trying to steal from them or take their homes. Despite the hurtful nature of these accusations, always repeat "don't take it personally".

If this cannot happen, anger is the normal response. This is not necessarily a bad thing. Anger can help us vent frustration that would otherwise remain pent up and stress the body and mind. The problem is caused when anger takes over and leads to abuse or neglect. It is important, then, for the associated to learn effective anger management if this is a possible issue. Breathing exercises, yoga and time away are all effective ways to cope with stress and frustration before it becomes consuming anger.

In the final stages of this disease, it is common for those close to the afflicted to begin the grieving process. When the afflicted have completely forgotten and rejected family or friends, it is very similar to experiencing the death of that person. Denial about the severity of the illness, anger, bargaining (God, just give one more lucid moment and I'll...), and depression over the loss is very common before acceptance of the situation occurs. Sometimes, this eases the feelings experienced when the eventual death occurs of the afflicted.

No matter the circumstances, Alzheimer's can be a traumatic experience for everyone involved. Perhaps if there was more awareness of the results, there would be more compassion for the families and friends suffering from circumstances surrounding the afflicted.