Alzheimers Warning Signs

There's certainly nothing funny about Alzheimers Disease to family members who must watch a loved one deteriorate before their eyes. However, late-night hosts and stand-up comedians continuously make jokes about how forgetful old people are.

When an older person hesitates to speak or do something quickly, it is sarcastically called a senior moment. Alzheimer's and in its final stage, dementia, were never even heard of just a generation or two ago, and it was for one simple reason.

Before antibiotics and other miracle drugs, most people died in their 60s, and the primary cause was pneumonia. In fact, it was often called "grandfather's friend", because the disease quickly took him away while he still had control of his mind and body. Unlike the very elderly of today, he didn't live long enough to need to depend on others for his very basic and infant-like needs of care, feeding and personal hygiene.Therefore, as a very elderly guy, I feel I have the right to try to bring some humor into what is always a terribly sad human condition. I'll soon be 83, so if anyone has the right to ridicule what President Ronald Reagan called, "the long goodbye", it is this writer.

So, here goes with some variations on the warning signs of Alzheimer's theme. I hope I can bring a few chuckles to families who are fighting the affliction. If not, I hope they'll forgive me for trying. You know your senior moments are stretching into minutes, hours and days when ...

1. You believe Barack Obama was the name of your WWII sleeping quarters at the Army camp just outside Montgomery.

2. The membership office of the Emperor's Club VIP called and said your member has expired.3. You think "No Country For Old Men" means you're not allowed to vote forJohn McCain.

4. Gettin' some means a good night's sleep ... alone.5. You remember Pearl Harbor but never heard of Pearl Jam.

6. You remember when Harry Truman said the buck stops here, and when the buck could buy a steak dinner.

7. You realize you missed out on the Sexual Revolution, because you ran out of ammunition long ago.

8. You remember when gasoline cost 25 cents a gallon and you couldn't afford to buy more than four gallons at a time, and now you're back in the same situation.

9. The shameful secrets of your misspent youth are safe with your friends, because they're all dead.

10. You take Viagra and only your back gets stiff.