Am I a Coward for Having Fear?

Soldier6575
When I first returned home from Iraq I was asked the same questions over and over again by everyone. Naturally they were curious. What bugged me the most was them asking if I was scared. I wasn't sure how I should answer this. Should I say yes and have them think I was a coward? Should I say no and let them think I am a big bad army soldier who eats fear for breakfast. Most of the time, I avoided the question by talking about a certain event that had happened while I was in Iraq. It was always followed by "Man, I could not do that. I could not be in the Army. I support the troops but I certainly couldn't see myself doing that".

There were times in Iraq when I was scared, I won't lie to you. I literally had various occasions where I thought "I may not make it home". Do not let anyone tell you that in a combat situation they had "no fear", they are lying. Fear should not be confused with being a coward. We all have fears in one form or another. You must not let your fears overtake you to the point where you no longer become and effective soldier.

A coward would turn and run at the first sign of fear. A soldier overcomes his or her fear and drives on with the task at hand. From my own personal beliefs my mind would be set at ease at times when I was feeling scared. You will have your own methods of coping with situations, and you will find that all of your army training will come out instinctively. You will react upon things without hesitation.

It took me a little while after being home before I could honestly say "Yes, there were times I was scared. This is why". Did I like being away from home? No, but I went and did the job I agreed to do when I enlisted. Being put in a combat situation as well as enlisting in the army has changed me, but I can honestly say it was for the better. I have a new respect for my profession, my country, and my flag. There are times when I see the American flag flying overhead and the feeling of tears form up in me. Not tears of sadness, but of pride for what I have accomplished and done.

I thought about a lot of things on deployment at night before I would fall asleep. I think every thing bad I had ever done had come back to remind me at night. Things from something I said to someone that was not exactly nice, to even something disgraceful I had done when I was a sophomore in high school at a pep rally that was playing our National Anthem, and with every bang of the drum I was making pelvic movements thrusting forwards and backwards because myself and my friends thought it was funny.

I had never taken much thought to all the lives that have protected our Nation, fought for our Constitution, and Freedom while paying the ultimate sacrifice with their life so that I may stand in a high school gymnasium and hear our National Anthem being played.

There is a famous quote by Shakespeare in the movie "Band of Brothers" that says: "We few. We happy few. We Band of Brothers. For those who shed their blood with us today shall always be our Brothers." This quote holds so true. Before I deployed to Iraq I had friends within my unit that I hung out with, etc. This friendship is much stronger now. I look upon them as if they were my own natural brother. There is a close bond that binds us together. We have shared experiences that words alone can not express.

I am proud to have served my country. Nobody can take this feeling away from me. I use to get angry when I would hear stuff like "I support the troops, but I don't support the war". That makes no sense to me. How can you support me, if you are not supporting what I am doing? I believe in our President and what he had called upon me to do.

The experiences I had in Iraq will be with me for a lifetime. Some are good, some are bad, some make me laugh, some make me cry but not one second do I regret ever having to go to Iraq and serve my country. These experiences are mine and they can not be taken away from me without a fight. I only wish my father who served in Viet Nam could hold onto the same type of feelings that I have, but that's another story for another day.

Published by Soldier6575

Soldier - US Army   View profile

74 Comments

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  • Saneesh 2/22/2011

    Fear is sometime good it defend us with certain casualities. All living being fears if it is snake, tiger etc because fear is a protection shield. Therefore I say you r not a coward you r a good human being with soft hearted who loves yourself and family. GOD ALWAYS WITH YOU AND HE IS PROTECTING YOU

  • Mike Myer 5/11/2009

    Hey brother, I just want to say. I have been to Iraq twice, at no time during either deployment I can say I wasn't scared. Like you said in your story, there is a difference between being scared and being a coward. If we were cowards, we would be one of the many that are still hiding out somewhere in the dark trying to avoid this war. I was scared every time I rolled out the gate, I was scared whenever we passed the colvert known for IEDs and I was even scared lying in my bunk in the "safety" of the FOB, we both know it wasn't safe there. Take care and keep up the good work. I recently got assigned to Ft. Lee to be an insructor, I am not a coward, I just need some family time. Good luck to you.

  • richard j. troy 10/29/2008

    mr. no name is lower than any coward, big mouth, behind the computer. who cares what he says, like all the rest of the people on this subject, I am glad we have people like you who go, scared or not scared, the fact that you went is all that counts, and we can bet mr. no name would never do it in a thousand years

  • JOHN L WAGNER 7/24/2008

    young man i am 59 years old i served in vietnam in 1969 thru 1970 in the Marine Corps...i was scared every damm day and twice as much at night. i live daily with survivers quilt and have OCD...you find yourself doing things trying to take control of something that you had no control over the least bit. mostly i am here because of some really dumb luck. be proud of what you have done. both my sons sereved in iraq and my daughter was in saudi during the start of the war which for a western woman was very difficult..also my son in law has been in iraq twice , afganastan and bosnia and is returning to iraq again soon...we all share your feelings. we are all thankful for you and ones like you...someday in the future people will looked back at what we did in these wars and thank God that we were there...this is not about only so much oil in the ground but as all will be able to see it is a war that started hundred of years ago over a way of life..someday this war will grow

  • Frank 4/8/2008

    Just don't let the boss know. Keep on working hard and next thing you know you'll be a Staff Sergeant and a mentor to your troops!

  • Noble Lady 6/13/2007

    "Home of the free, because of the brave". Thank you so much!!

  • Falcons Wing 5/30/2007

    How we feel as people and how we think and believe are always disticntly going to be different to ourselves and to others. This is why there are so many components to us... that till this day remain a mystery. The question my god sir and fellow neighbor is... Do you understand the meaning and definiton of your mission in life and to ward war itself... Have you defined clearly what war is without arguement and understand with definition of war itself in mind that war is a choice or action required to resolve such matters which in turn require war? What is really in question is whether diplomacy is an action that can solve terrorism and what we as people must understand is the very definition as to what terrorism is and thus evaluate if war is neccessary.
    My thoughts and respects.
    Falcon

  • Falcons Wing 5/30/2007

    How we feel as people and how we think and believe are always disticntly going to be different to ourselves and to others. This is why there are so many components to us... that till this day remain a mystery. The question my god sir and fellow neighbor is... Do you understand the meaning and definiton of your mission in life and to ward war itself... Have you defined clearly what war is without arguement and understand with definition of war itself in mind that war is a choice or action required to resolve such matters which in turn require war? What is really in question is whether diplomacy is an action that can solve terrorism and what we as people must understand is the very definition as to what terrorism is and thus evaluate if war is neccessary.
    My thoughts and respects.
    Falcon

  • Falcons Wing 5/30/2007

    How we feel as people and how we think and believe are always disticntly going to be different to ourselves and to others. This is why there are so many components to us... that till this day remain a mystery. The question my god sir and fellow neighbor is... Do you understand the meaning and definiton of your mission in life and to ward war itself... Have you defined clearly what war is without arguement and understand with definition of war itself in mind that war is a choice or action required to resolve such matters which in turn require war? What is really in question is whether diplomacy is an action that can solve terrorism and what we as people must understand is the very definition as to what terrorism is and thus evaluate if war is neccessary.
    My thoughts and respects.
    Falcon

  • Falcons Wing 5/30/2007

    How we feel as people and how we think and believe are always disticntly going to be different to ourselves and to others. This is why there are so many components to us... that till this day remain a mystery. The question my god sir and fellow neighbor is... Do you understand the meaning and definiton of your mission in life and to ward war itself... Have you defined clearly what war is without arguement and understand with definition of war itself in mind that war is a choice or action required to resolve such matters which in turn require war? What is really in question is whether diplomacy is an action that can solve terrorism and what we as people must understand is the very definition as to what terrorism is and thus evaluate if war is neccessary.
    My thoughts and respects.
    Falcon

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