American Family Theory

Growing up you are cuddled by your family and made to feel that they will always be there for you no matter what. Why is it that as soon as you hit a snag in life that they are the first to abandon you? Have you ever lost your job and almost lost your house? Have you ever asked your family for help and their first reply is, "if only you had asked a week ago!" Have you ever had your family turn on you over an inheritance? How about over how your mother or father should be treated or not treated for an ailment? How is it that the people closest to us are the first to stab us in the back when we need them the most? Well, ladies and gentlemen, I have an answer for you if you care to listen.

Up until a hundred or so years ago, a man or woman was born into a family and lived in relative proximity to them for there entire lives. They were born and they died in the same town, with a few exceptions. There were families that were broken because part of it immigrated to another country. Once the new settlers found a place to settle, they stuck together in their new home. They may have moved a few miles away, but for the most part, they went to the same churches, went to the same schools and helped each other in all things, not just in crises. If you go back to Europe, you will find that the families that stayed behind, live much in the same way as they always did.

America changed the way families interacted and supported each other. For a time, Americans acted much as they did in the old country. What changed was the way that they viewed themselves and as a consequence, how they viewed each other. There have always been rifts in families, usually they were ignored during harvest or when it came time to build a home or a barn. When they needed one another, they were happy to help. When someone was hurt or sick, the rest pulled together and helped out until they were back on their feet. Now, Americans are so independent, they have weakened there own ability to survive. During westward expansion, families split and split again in order for the younger members to stake a claim for themselves. It was this Independence that has driven America to the heights of power. It is also our greatest weakness (did I say that already)

Once the industrial revolution started throughout the world, children went to factories to work because families were poor. If they could afford it, they went to school. As a result of large families and a need to feed them, Americans became used to the idea that the children would and should leave to make their own way. The parents were then left to fend for themselves. As we reached for the "American Dream" we fractured the family and village structure that enabled our families to survive. This is not an entirely bad thing, however, due to the fracturing of the family, members of a family cared less and less about their relatives and their survival. To each his own has become the motto of the current generation.

The ultimate proof of this is nursing homes and their occupants who seldom if ever see their families. Children are thrown out into the world at the age of eighteen for better or for worse. They are led to believe that in America they must make it on their own without anyones help. As each successive generation is thrown into the world, they care less and less about the people closest to them. The village mentality that served us well for thousands and thousands of years has been remade into one for himself and no one else. Our churches where we once forged the bonds of family and neighbors has been replaced by consumerism and selfishness.

There is allot of animosity toward the illegal aliens flowing into America because they work hard and live in large groups. For a while, I was on the same bandwagon, as I am a carpenter and wages for builders has stagnated due to the influx of illegals. However, once I realized how they lived and interacted, I became envious of them and their culture. Every year millions if not billions of dollars flow south into Mexico. These people send tons of money home in order to make it easier for their families. I guarantee you that if the situation was reversed, Americans wouldn't send home a tenth of what they do. Why is this? Because we have been told by everyone that we should take care of ourselves. I bought into this for years, in fact, there was a time when I wouldn't give anyone in my family a red cent.

If you take the time to study the truly rich families in America and the rest of the world, you will find that they take care of each other. They know that as a group they have more strength, much like wolves in the wild. The same goes for immigrants. I was told of a group of immigrants in Miami (I think they were Cuban, I am not sure) of ten or so families that would move into a home. As a group, they would pay off the home in a year or two and then one family would stay. Then the rest of them would move, add another family and do the whole thing over again. In this way they are able to leverage their buying power and raise the standard of living for everyone. This is not communism or socialism. It is family helping family, neighbor helping neighbor.

In Italy, it is common for a son to live in his parents home until the age of thirty. They contribute to the parents home until they marry. Instead of striking out on their own, they live at home and increase their chance at a successful life. Americans have become so enamored by product that we are selfish. We wont even help out our own families, even when they are in trouble. Want proof, go to a hospital and find an elderly man, woman or couple. I bet you that if you look closely they will have an extended family of two children, eight grandchildren and twenty great grandchildren. Together that family could pay off the medical bills or pay for the operation to save them, instead they look to the government or let the patriarch of their family die. Then they will all gather at the funeral and say, "there was nothing we could do!" WRONG. They could have pulled together as a family and took care of them, instead they choose to be responsible only for themselves.

The funny thing is, as independent Americans, the grandparents expect no help from their spawn. Am I the only person who sees this in our society. We have such an independent streak, we will fight to the death to keep socialized medicine north of the border. How is it that our values have become so perverted. You can go to any church in America and find many people who consider themselves to be Christians. Find that person then ask them when is the last time you helped your family? They are probably pretty decent people. They may contribute to the homeless, serve at the soup kitchen. More than likely they participate in toys for tots and angle tree. I will go even further and say that almost every "Christian" has someone in their family who is an addict. Ask them about the addict in their family and they will say something like, "its a shame, but what can you do" I will even go further than that and say that if Americans treated their family like family, we could dispose of eighty percent of all charities in the U.S.

Every American will tell you that there is something missing in their lives. They may try to fill the void with drugs and alcohol. They may fill the void with charity and religion. These are common substitutes for what is really missing. Go out into the jungle and find a group of "savages" who haven't been civilized. There you will find some of the happiest and complete people on earth. They are not made to feel that anything is missing, because nothing is. We are bombarded by messages telling us that we need this or that possession to make are lives complete. We are baited into needing items which on the whole are totally useless. From the day you are born, you are filled with wants and you are eventually satisfied via instant gratification. However, this only fills the need temporarily. Find yourself a compulsive shopper and you have found the ultimate aberration of consumerism. Americans have traded God for goods and even though they go to church, they worship at the alter of consumerism.

Capitalists will often point to America and say, "no other system has brought so many people out of poverty in all of history!" There is some truth to this, however, could it be that if we worked together as families for the good of the family that we could have achieved much more? There has to be a balance. I am not advocating communism by any means. Capitalism has brought allot of good into the world. It has brought much more evil into it as well. There is no perfect system, if there is, I would like to know what it is. I digress as I have wondered far from my original intent. What I am trying to get through to you is that if we can work together as families and as neighbors, we can achieve more, we can be happier, we can leave behind the need to buy more crap. I have found that of all the crap that I have bought over the years, very little of it makes me happy.

I am not fool enough to believe that Americans can change. In fact, I believe that the only way Americans will ever bond to their families is if they have to. Maybe one day some government will make it illegal to live and work outside your families interests. Maybe one day we will be held responsible for our grandparents and our children even though they are older than eighteen. Maybe one day people will not have to drug themselves trying to fill a hole. I believe that for every addict you find, you will find a family without bonds. A family that told them that they should make it on there own and when they found that they could not, they were ashamed and try to bury their guilt. In my family I was told not to ask for help as it is a sign of weakness. Well America, we are weak alright. When we are finally taken down, it will be our own doing. So, screw your family next chance you get as that seems to be the American way.........