American Idol Auditions -- Road to Hollywood Recap & Review

The final American Idol Auditions round, titled "Road to Hollywood", left my head spinning. American Idol gave us glimpses at more of the auditions from all of the cities visited in season 9. Skipping from one city to the next, with revolving guest judges, loads of personal stories, and quick jumps between contestants, it was nearly impossible to keep up.

American Idol Final Auditions -- Song Choice is King

American Idol started with a little segment on the importance of song choice for contestants. They of course revisited the catchy "Pants on the Ground" and its viral video stardom. Then they flashed through lots of bad choices. The most amusing moment was Simon declaring that an American Idol contestant's song choice was so bad, it wouldn't have been in his "top million" songs to do. Tell us how you really feel, Simon.

American Idol Final Auditions -- Don't mess with Miss V

As sweet as American Idol guest judge Victoria Beckham can be, she loves roughing up Simon. When contestant Jessica Furney showed up to perform "Footprints in the Sand", a song co-written by Simon, Victoria gushed sweetly to Simon: "I didn't know you wrote a song. It's so beautiful, why don't you write more?" And so on. She batted her eyelashes at him and cooed, and it was a hilarious tease that made Simon practically blush, which was just perfect.

The other good news was that "Footprints in the Sand" is a beautiful song. Jessica maintained its beauty with her voice and gave the ending a powerful punch. Simon looked extremely pleased, which is a huge compliment to any singer. (It must be terrible for some of these guest judges to hear their own songs murdered right in front of them.) Randy commented on how much Jessica had improved from her American Idol audition the year before, and the American Idol judges voted Jessica through to the Hollywood round.

American Idol Final Auditions -- Are You Ready for Your Close-Up?

We first get a look at New York American Idol contestant Amanda Shectman as she's doing a Britney Spears impression for host Ryan Seacrest. It's not a bad impression. She can also talk without moving her mouth, which probably won't be terribly useful for a pop star career.

However, Amanda is all seriousness when she launches into "Good Morning Heartache", a song I thought she sang very well with a sweet and engaging voice and style. The judges felt a little uncertain, however. American Idol guest judge Victoria Beckham advised Amanda to work on her expression. Kara said Amanda needed to figure out who she was and portray that while singing. As Amanda began to fall into melodramatic angst and assurances that she could do better, Simon latched onto a chance to mock her.

As he clutched his hair and rolled his eyes and acted like a drama queen, the other American Idol judges chastised him, though he was doing a fairly accurate imitation of Amanda's affectations. Kara and Victoria put in their "yes" votes, and Simon tortured Amanda with a few more theatrics before declaring "yes" and shocking the heck out of her.

Outside the American Idol set, however, Amanda turned on the stage actress bit and sobbed and made speeches about her lofty goals, etc. She's a good singer but needs to take the judges' advice to heart, because the over-acting can be a huge turnoff to viewers.

American Idol Final Auditions -- More Good Auditions

American Idol next gave us a look at a couple of contestants who play guitar--but could only use their instruments as security blankets to be kept nearby as they auditioned. (AI doesn't allow accompaniment for auditions.) Crystal Bowersox and Lee Dewyze (a cutie from my hometown Chicago), both had mad vocal skills and awesome stage presence. I'm hoping we'll get to see more of them in the Hollywood round, and see how their guitar skills match up with their vocals.

American Idol Final Auditions -- The Second...or Twelfth...Time's the Charm?

Many American Idol contestants are repeat customers who won't take no for an answer. For some, it's a matter of perseverance that eventually pays off. For others, it's a matter of denial about their lack of talent. American Idol breezed through several auditioners who thought for sure Simon would remember them, which he didn't. That is, until one girl whom he remembered due to her extraordinarily distracting tanning bed overuse. Not exactly what a pop star wants to be remembered for.

Returning for a second visit of the non-delusional variety was American Idol contestant Lacey Brown. She'd made the top 50 in season 8, but was then sent home. With a cute, dark streaked pixie-ish haircut and heavy eyelinered eyes, Lacey stood out from the crowd of blond Britney and/or Carrie Underwood wannabes. Singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", Lacey impressed the judges once again with her powerful voice. Kara declared it one of her favorite performances, and it was four "yes" votes to send her on again to the next round of American Idol.

American Idol Final Auditions -- Caught Between a Stud and a Fashion Icon

American Idol seven-time auditioner Stephanie Fisher was another super-tanned, bleach blond pop star wannabe. Dressed in a black sparkly minidress, black tights and white flat shoes, Stephanie gushed over how much American Idol guest judge Victoria Beckham was a fashion icon. Between having a crush on Simon and being in awe of Victoria, Stephanie claimed she was even more nervous than usual.

She had a good reason to be nervous. After murdering "You Give Me Fever" with tuneless gusto, Stephanie earned a flat out "You can't sing" declaration from Simon. When Stephanie insisted she was nervous by being in the presence of her fashion idol, the American Idol judges offered to have Victoria turn around so she wouldn't make her nervous. Sadly, Victoria's performance actually got worse. "With great respect," Simon said over her protests, "you have a terrible voice."

Victoria tried to make it better by giving her biggest fan a hug, but she got put into an awkward place when the other American Idol judges asked her about Stephanie's fashion sense. "You have a definite look going," Victoria tried politely, "It's not a look I'd go for, but..." When Randy insisted, "You'd look good in that," Victoria quickly replied, "No, I wouldn't!" Oops. So much for Nice Victoria, though she was really in a tough spot. As a respected fashionista, she can't really say she likes something that she doesn't. She's got to maintain her rep.

American Idol Final Auditions -- Three More Golden Ticket Winners

Most 16 year olds are dreading gym class and complaining about math homework, but the next three American Idol contestants were taking their vocal skills to Hollywood. Rachel Hubbard, Thaddeus Johnson, and Genesis Moore were 16 year old singing powerhouses, belting out their auditions with amazingly strong and mature voices. But is a teenager this young ready to be the next American Idol?

American Idol Final Auditions -- In the WTF? Category

We next got a rundown of athlete contestants on American Idol, but then AI showed us the most unusual athlete of all. At 6'8, 17 year old "Big Kahuna" Adrian was honing his swimming skills, despite constant insistence that he should play basketball. Then Adrian said that he had lots of things he wanted to be, that would soon unfold like petals, because "I am a beautiful man flower."

I swear American Idol judge Kara reads every bit of bio info because her questions are always right on the nose of whatever has just been discussed by the contestant on camera. Kara immediately asked if Adrian played basketball, which of course we already know is his favorite question. This was not the worst moment of the American Idol audition, however. That was when Adrian started singing--in a woman's soprano voice.

The American Idol judges were stunned, and Randy was bent over with poorly concealed laughter. Kara said it seemed Adrian had a small schoolboy trapped inside of him. "Or he ate one," Simon quipped, before quickly apologizing. "You're not terrible," Simon said frankly, "but you should find something else." The other judges agreed. While he really wasn't out of tune, it was just too disconcerting an image for most American Idol fans to get with.

Despite the four "no" votes, Adrian was undeterred. "You have my number," he told the judges as well as American Idol host Ryan Seacrest. "Call me if anything opens up."

American Idol Final Auditions -- Girls Like Teddy Bears

Next up was "Big Mike" Lynche, who sang The Righteous Brothers' "Unchained Melody" with a smooth, R&B style. American Idol judge Kara and guest judge Kristin Chenoweth were practically drooling on the judges' table. Kara declared Mike a "singing Teddy Bear", and Kristin heartily agreed. Randy added his "yes" vote and it was four votes to send Big Mike to American Idol in Hollywood.

American Idol Final Auditions -- Tearjerker #1

Didi Benami caused many tears in the American Idol audience as she frequently teared up herself. Telling the story of her best friend who had died, Didi spoke with reverence about a wonderful girl who had truly believed in Didi's singing and her potential.

Dressed in a pretty full-length floral silk gown, Didi performed "Hey Jude", playing with the cadence of the song in a sort of Norah Jones style. She poured her heart into it, getting into each note. "You really want it bad," Kara assessed afterward, and Didi once again burst into tears. The American Idol judges were sympathetic, assuring Didi she did really well. Randy was impressed, saying Didi's performance was "real cool" and that she had good range. Though Simon only gave a "very small yes", American Idol guest judge Avril Lavigne felt Didi had huge potential. It was four "yes" votes and Didi was on to Hollywood.

American Idol Final Auditions -- Tearjerker #2

Aaron Kelly was an adorable little blond American Idol contestant, wearing a shell necklace and upping the sweet factor by a million. Sharing his story of early hardship, with no money and parents that couldn't support him, Aaron was serene and non-judgmental. Aaron then told of how his aunt and uncle adopted him to keep him out of social services, and that "I call my aunt 'Mom', because the one who raised you is your mom." Aaron was grateful for how his life had turned out, compared to what it could have been.

Singing Miley Cyrus' "The Climb", Aaron tackled the tune with a big, robust country voice that was surprising coming out of such a sweet looking boy. Randy loved the disparity of a shy kid belting out songs with such power. Simon wisely said that "Mums will love you." No doubt all the mothers out there wanted to hug him the moment they saw him on this American Idol episode--and probably plenty of non-mothers as well.

With his golden ticket firmly in hand, Aaron was humbly grateful again, and was excited about the potential to be a "role model." You already are one, Aaron, no matter what happens on American Idol.

American Idol Final Auditions -- Earth to Kimberly

American Idol contestant Kimberly Bishop was one of those dreamy auditioners who always seem to be operating on a different plane of existence. Running her hands through her disheveled black hair, Kimberly stared at the camera and said dreamily that she would be a great American Idol because she would be into recycling and helping people in Africa.

Wearing a skimpy black dress, Kimberly tackled Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl" while rubbing her hands over her body and tearing at her hair and giving the American Idol judges come-hither looks. Unfortunately, she did all this while singing terribly. I wasn't sure if Kara was intrigued or mocking when she told Kimberly, "You're a very seductive girl. I think you're naughty." Simon seemed to agree.

Despite the sexually charged American Idol performance, the votes were "no". Kimberly didn't seem all that perturbed by the responses, placated by the fact that they found her naughty. Back in the judging room, Simon said "She'd be fun on a date."

American Idol Final Auditions -- Singing Another Song Won't Help

American Idol host Ryan Seacrest spent some time with contestant Shaddaii Harris and her mother, who had always dreamed her daughter would have a successful singing career. Things seemed normal in the American Idol world until Shaddaii actually started singing--if you can even call it that.

Stumbling randomly through Alicia Keys' "Fallin'", Shaddaii was completely out of tune and lost. "That wasn't even the melody," Kara said afterwards. Randy commented that Shaddaii didn't even know that she wasn't singing the melody, and he was probably right. After saying "No, you can't sing," Randy cringed as Shaddaii merely started up with another song, droning on without any sense of timing, rhythm, or tune.

The judges kept saying "no" as Shaddaii kept singing, but eventually it was clear to her that she was not going on to American Idol in Hollywood.

American Idol Final Auditions -- Final Tearjerker

Aaron Kelly needs to duet with American Idol hopeful Hope Johnson. The sweet natures of these two combined would overwhelm the AI audiences. Telling her own tale of a tough childhood with deep poverty, Hope explained how she'd sometimes only get fed at school, and she'd save some of her lunch to bring it home to her crying and hungry baby brother. "There's a lot worse things than going without," she said pragmatically, "and I always think 'Tomorrow will be better.'"

After such an introduction, Hope couldn't have chosen a better song than Lee Ann Womack's tearjerker "I Hope You Dance." With a similar Dolly Parton/Lee Ann Womack girlish twang, Hope nailed the song and impressed the judges, despite being a little shaky with nerves. "There's something interesting about you, and your tone," Kara praised. Randy declared his love for the song and her rendition, but advised her to work on completing her phrases and not dropping out on them. Hope got Simon's praise as well, and a "yuh!" vote from Joe Jonas. So it's a better tomorrow for Hope as she moves on to American Idol in Hollywood.

American Idol Final Auditions -- Road to Hollywood

It's all over for the audition rounds, and it's about time. Though, looking at promos for the American Idol Hollywood round, it looks like our time with less than stellar performers is not at an end. After all, singing a few phrases in a quick American Idol audition is one thing, but putting on an engaging stage act will be a whole 'nother ballgame. It will be interesting to see who moves on.

With 181 golden tickets issued out of over 100,000 auditioners, it's been an exhausting process for the American Idol crew and TV judges. If I understand it correctly, that 181 will drop down to 24 in the Hollywood round. This is going to be brutal, folks, and some of our favorites from the American Idol audition rounds will no doubt end up on a plane back home.

That's Hollywood.

Check out: American Idol Auditions -- Denver Recap & Review

Watch American Idol on FOX, every Tuesday and Wednesday night. Check your local listings for times, as FOX likes to mix it up for some unknown reason.